Metanoia

"Metanoia, Is What They Call It"

Merlin

It's funny how your life can cause so many ups and downs, as you're in a constant struggle to take the possible right path, but eventually end up with a predicament anyway. I can alter my choices any way I'd like, but I would always end up with the same ending.
"You ready?" Arthur's voice called out.
I then turned, hefting a bag on my shoulders with a broad smile. "Ofcourse," came my reply.
It's funny how that shade of blue was a replicate of mine. A raged storm; a serene, blue sky; a color. Blue was the color of Arthur's eyes. Yet they transformed into a beautiful color of azure patterned with emotions undefinable. It's funny how I fell in love with them.
"You won't leave Gaius in the dust, right?" Arthur joked, giving a soft punch to my bicep. "Let's say goodbye to him."
It's funny how I had spent my days worrying about Arthur's death. The many ways he could lay in the dirt with a glazed stare, silently gazing up to the stars with a dumbfounded expression. He would realize he's dying. His stare would travel to me with a pained smile, bidding me a choked departing. I would feel tears drip down my flushed cheeks. He would still manage to make me blush at a time like this.
"The stars look beautiful tonight," Arthur commented, looking up to the sky, his eyes a reflection of the nebulas above. I grinned, gazing up. They were indeed a sight. Suddenly, I felt lips touch my jawline in a tender fashion. "Arthur," I giggled, turning towards him, our faces touching as I repositioned my formerly angled view.
"Is there a problem?" he bantered, kissing my nose.
"Yes," I tried to grunt in frustration, instead letting the affection break through, as the smile grew instead. I have waited for this too much. "You're blocking my view of the night sky, Arthur."
"We are the stars, Merlin. There are other people in other worlds gazing up at us right now." Leaning back slightly, his eyes were finally in focus, as his orbs followed mine with an extreme flavor of felicity. "And you know what's better?" he mumbled under his breath to me.
My lips parted in an upturned fashion. "What?"
"We're the brightest."
It's funny how friendship works. The knights had attempted to persuade me to take another potion. Another memory wipe. At the time, I was adamant about not downing the same substance. But then, as I was standing in front of the Cup Of Life with a dead body behind me, my views began to tilt. The innocent had died by my hand for the cost of Arthur's life. I was no killer, my mind often told me; but when I was in that current position? What have I become?
"You can see Lake Avalon from here," Arthur chuckled, taking a seat beside me. We were sitting in the soft, lush, summer grass, admiring the view in front of us. Many things had changed over the course of time in nearly a year. It had been the start of autumn when Arthur and I had greeted with live heartbeats once again.
"It's gorgeous," I commented in agreement. Shutting my eyes closed for a split second, I let the midnight breeze caress my face. "When's the next harvest moon?" I asked Arthur suddenly, keeping my lids touched.
He smiled beside me, the cracking of saliva being heard. "I'm not sure. I think it's an annual thing."
It's funny how things can change rapidly over a small period of time. I remember when the council had thought differently of me when I had returned, King Keres's death announced clearly throughout the kingdom. It was then I had realized I earned my place. A newfound respect was now present in the council's eyes. A small home was eventually built for me out in the country, near Lake Avalon for when I would leave Aeyland. For good.
"It's starting to rain," Arthur said with a woeful tone as several drops of water landed on his face. Snatching the blanket that was on me, he held it over his head, shielding himself from the rain.
"Hey!" I laughed, grabbing at the fabric.
"You're gonna soak us both like that, Merlin!" With a broad grin, he scootered closer to me, covering us both from the drops of precipitation. Petrichor had made an appearance on the earth, as I inhaled the rare scent greedily, the freshness welcoming me with a friendly hand.
"You think this dims the view?" came Arthur's soft voice. The sound of rain gently beat into the background, as I continued my gaze to the horizon. A grin danced across my face. "Not one bit."
It's funny how you are constantly stuck in the crossfire.
How you have to make so many decisions you aren't confident about.
How you have to keep a smile planted on your lips, pretending everything is alright.
How you have to laugh as someone dies.
Thoughts would often tread my mind in a contemplative fashion. Everything was ambiguous, but you would never know what the other meaning was. You had to guess and hope for the best. Optimism is what made you take your steps forward in life. And if you had no hope...then...well...
Leaning my head on Arthur's shoulder, I curled my toes, cuddling against his figure as the rain continued to pour. "I think it's time to go in, Merlin," he murmured to me, wrapping one hand around my hip as he leaned the blanket on both our heads to shield us from the water.
And if you had no hope, then you couldn't survive. Life just doesn't work out for some people. But Arthur fought, coming back from the dead on multiple occasions. And although I had given up, he had persisted. I was forever in his debt. The amount of love he proved of when taking the blow I would have gotten every time tells me his story. He and I were apart of history, though both defined as different things. Kings. Friends. Lovers. Two sides.
"-Heroes," Arthur rattled with happy features. "We're heroes, Merlin."
I frowned in reply, the word tasting foreign on my tongue. "Heroes?"
"I know it's a lot to take in," Arthur bantered, carding a hand through my damp hair. "We'll go down in the history books."
"Is that a good thing, though? It sounds awfully creepy so many people would know about our lives."
He chuckled in reply, seeing my face blanch. "Do you not crave fame, Merlin?"
I tilted my head, giving him a knowing look. "You know I don't crave a lot of things most do, Arthur."
It's funny how I would—and will—continue to hide many things from Arthur. I bet he hides confessions too, though. I would hate him and he would hate me for the actions we had commenced over the years. I guess that's what makes us match.
"But you crave me, right?" Arthur smiled, pulling me flush against him. His fingers curled on the back of my head, drawing in strands of hair in the midst of the action.
"Yes."
It's funny how you experience many things in life you don't expect. Everything is a surprise you're constantly supposed to be expecting. But you never do. All of the thoughts and emotions collected over the years, you've realized that you have changed. Maybe for the better. Maybe the worst. We're all apart of a destiny we cannot escape. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not.
"I love you," Arthur's hushed voice came, a warm, soft breath blowing against the top of my head.
Cracking a smile in reply with closed eyes, I leaned into his touch, feeling his pulse against my skin. Utter euphoria.
It's funny how those changes impact so much. The little details you didn't notice before make entrances with fixed appearances. Metanoia, is what they call it. Some physically. Some mentally. Either way, everyone becomes a pawn on a chess board.
But I'm not on the board, anymore. I had found a way to escape the bonds. So had Arthur. I had found my purpose. My destiny. This was my choice. Nobody else's.
I was one of the many who has experienced metanoia. It was a terrible, hideous, heartbreaking, traumatizing process. But it was also a beautiful, fascinating, prepossessing, enchanting process.
It was life.
And it was all I could ever ask for.
"I love you too."

A/N: Hello everybody! Yes, sadly this is the last chapter! I'm so happy I went on this amazing journey with all of you! It's means a great deal to me! If you have enjoyed this story, please vote or comment on it to share your thoughts or opinions! All of it makes my day! Also, a special thanks to @41Ruthie14 for supporting this story immensely since the start! All of you are amazing, and this story would never have been where it is today without all of you! Thanks for putting up with the depressing scenes and angst, too. I know that's hard to read often, when you scream at the screen, constantly shouting "kISS" when something happens.
Total Words: 31,838

[Also! I am publishing a book today called "Since Birth"! It is also a Merlin/Merthur fanfiction. If y'all have enjoyed this story, please feel free to check it out when posted!]