Free Reviews

Cupcakes to Kill for by @Anime Kitty

**I only graded two chapters. This was because the chapters were long and I have several books on the wait list!  However, I will keep reading after I get caught up. If there is some really major errors, I will be sure to change it. **

What the numbers say: 83% or B- 

What I would rate it: A-

Negatives: 

-1 for Capitalization. Not a big problem anywhere. 

-15 for punctuation. These were all commas. Two were commas that weren't needed, but the rest were missing. It can be really hard to tell if you need a comma after some "ands", so just be careful. 

-5 for switching tenses (happened once). Again, it's the bigger mistakes that lose the most points. Double check your sentences and verbs so that they all are past tense, (ran, cried) or all present  tense (running, crying). Don't mix them unless you have flashbacks (which you didn't.)

-10 for overuse of adjectives. --This was my biggest issue I found--  This, at least I found, got really annoying. I get it, people are always saying to use descriptives, especially in school, but stick with the common words. You don't need to say "gyrated my head" when you could have just said "turned my head", or "the hemorrhaging "(that makes it sound like he has a disease) when you could have said "the bleeding", and things like "the pristine white floor" could have easily been "the white floor", and gotten the point across just the same. Remember: if the adjective isn't strictly necessary, don't have it. There were so many bigger words that could have been simplified and  made us understand the same thing, and I feel that it would make the writing better. Adjectives aren't needed, and if you don't need it, don't have it. 

-1 for unrealisticness. You can always tell if they were stabbed or shot if it is in plain sight. Just a minor thing that struck my attention. 

Positives: 

+10 for quick action. This was fast, but it didn't feel rushed. (Well, maybe the kiss... But that's different..) I either always see rushed action that should have been later, or delayed action with unnecesary stuff, but I think you nailed it with the right combination, and that can be hard to do. I got enough info to relate and understand the characters, but it happened quickly enough that I didn't get bored. Good job!

+5 for realisticness. The only unrealistic thing I found was the supernatural in the woods. Other than that, I feel it was like a totally normal family, and I  could see myself doing everything Kacey did. (Not sure if that's a good thing, but okay!) 

Overall, a pretty good story with a very well-devolped plot and an interesting storyline. It is quick-paced in a good way, but somewhat over-discripitive. I did rather like the characters and thought it was very realistic. There were minor mistakes that made it harder to judge, but definitely something to continue reading!