I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

Attack

    That night I had an episode. I sat on the bathroom floor sobbing, blood running down my legs. My breathing kept hitching and I stared down at the worthless scar on my bicep. My body trembled as I gripped my hair. I began screaming.
I bit my lip and held my breath as long as possible. My lungs burned severely. My dark bathroom began to blur until it was one grey block in front of my eyes. I felt my throat close and I stubbled forward. I shoved the door open.
Flash back after flash back appeared in my mind. Being beaten by a bat by my mom. I couldn't stand the thought of being in the house. I sprinted toward the door ignoring the blood. I knocked the door out of place as I sprinted outside despite my pain.
I sprinted down the streets of my town to the park where I hid as a young child. I grabbed a tree, leaning on it to catch my breath. The moon lit the path as I ran and ran, not knowing where I was going. I just needed to escape my house and all my memories. My legs stung like never before, past cuts reopening from my legs flexing as I ran.
Thoughts of Jungkook drifted into my head. Him and I singing as we danced in his house. It seemed like a dream, so unreal. Eventually I sat down with a thud and let out a shaky sigh. My thighs burned unbelievably. I bit my fist to keep from crying as thoughts of Jungkook flashed in my mind.
He felt bad for me. He thought he needed to make me happy. He didn't love me. I was an ugly, ignorant bitch who could never be loved. He was so much better and he probably had someone else. Waves of nausea rolled over me and I trembled. I cried silently, tears spilling down my cheeks.
My mom used to lock me in her closet, refusing to feed me. She would sit on the outside of the door listening to my scream and cry. She would scold me for being a failure and would laugh when I broke down. She'd lock me in a dog cage when I got bad grades, which was all the time. She'd lock me out of the house for days at a time when I became too much of a nuisance. On those days I'd sleep on the playground and would wake up when someone found me, worried that I might have run away.
    I closed my eyes and smashed the heel of my palms into my eyes, rubbing them roughly. Once I calmed down I glanced at the stars and sniffled. Why did life have to be like this? Why was I the one experiencing this? As far as I know, I did nothing wrong. Why couldn't people in ISIS or murders and rapists go through these feelings. These panic attacks.
    I stood up and immediately fell over. My legs couldn't move. I didn't realize how much I bled until now. I heard footsteps behind me and I whipped my head to the side, trying to sit up. A man in long pants and a collared shirt walked up to me. "Are you okay ma'am?" He asked. I told him I was fine and tried to shake the hand he put on my shoulder off. "Can you walk?" I shamefully shook my head. I froze when I heard the word "Perfect."
    I was roughly yanked upwards and his mouth bit down on my shoulder. I cried out and shoved him away, stumbling backwards. My head spun as I used all my willpower to stand. There was no way I was getting out of this. He grabbed the hem of my shorts and pulled me back as I fought to get away while screaming. No one was out this late.
I'm sorry God! Please save me! Why?! Why?! Please save me from this monster! I don't want this! Thoughts ran through my head as I shoved, scratched, kicked, and slapped. He kept pursuing me and unless I could run away, he would get what he wanted. As he let go I took the split second to run forward and grab two sticks. They were the only thing I could get my hands on.
    I felt my hair get pulled and I dropped the sticks. "Listen, bitch. You will do what I say." He sneered and yanked me down again. My fingers brushed over the sticks as he began to unbuckle his belt. My fingers closed over one and when he leaned in, I didn't hesitate. The stick drove straight into his eye and I took one glance at his appearance and ran off.
    My legs were numb and I stumbled through the park. The world spun around me and every noise made me jump and spin. When I found the exit I dashed out and ran down the empty streets. The street lights casted an eerie glow and as I was running down the street, I was completely frightened.
    I finally reached my house and when I walked in, I closed the door with much difficulty. I walked up to the bathroom and ran the water in the tub. I sat in the cool water, all the blood washing off my body. My legs had stopped bleeding but I had difficulty standing up again. I pulled off my wet clothes and bandages up my thighs. I stepped into dry clothes and sat on my bed. I checked the time and saw that it was almost four in the morning.
    My thoughts were racing and my shoulder hurt from were that man bit me. I glanced at my phone and decided what to do.
"911. What's your emergency?"