I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

Suicide

It had been such a long time since I last saw Jungkook. I stopped following BTS after a while. Jungkook didn't wear his ring during performances or interviews and I was starting to think that he forgot about me. Months after they debuted, Jungkook still called me almost every night. Slowly, the calls, letters, and messages became scarce. It was their third year anniversary for BTS and the group was celebrating. They invited their family and friends.
I wasn't invited.
I watched their celebration on vlive before closing my computer. I was eighteen now and I was in art school for photography. The pictures I took of Jungkook were treasured by his parents. Afterwards, I decided I liked photography so I continued it. I saved up money for a camera and changed my online courses to art courses. Last year I took a large test to show that I had been studying and passed with mediocre grades. I was currently studying at an art school in Busan to become a professional photographer.
I stared up at my ceiling sadly. I ran a thumb over my scars on my forearm before curling up with a sigh. Jungkook really didn't care in the end. In all three years of him being gone, I never filled the void he left me. I couldn't bring myself to love another man and no activity or art could bring back the happiness I felt with Jungkook.
"We were supposed to be forever, Jungkook. Do you even remember me. Would you remember my name. Would you care if I died?" I asked into the silence of my home. A tear slid down my cheek. "I guess in the end, men always leave you and women never love you."
I thought back to my dad. He was handsome and kind in the earliest of my memories. But he was equally terrifying when he was angry. I remember the way he slapped my mom with a look of rage on his face. How he'd shout the same insults my mom later shouted at me. It was only in recent years did I fully understand that once my dad left, my mom needed someone to blame. Someone other than herself. My dad always said I looked like him the most. I guess I was the next best thing.
My mom had released all her pain on me as if she couldn't stand the feeling of suffering by herself. She hurt me in the same ways he hurt her. And in the end, no one won. In the end, everyone got hurt and was betrayed.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Jungkook's number. It was the fifth time I called him today. Again, it reached voicemail. I opened up my computer to finish the vlive video before finishing up my day. As the video began to end, Jungkook faced the camera with his oh-so-familiar bunny smile.
"I want to thank someone in particular. A girl who I will love for forever. I hope she knows that. I hope she knows that I will see her soon and thank her for who she has helped me become." Jungkook said. I frowned at his words. Who was that girl? He truly has moved on, hasn't he.
    I set my computer to the side and curled up again. "Jungkook, I miss you. Please come back. I miss your smell, it's disappeared from your sheets. I miss your laugh, I can't remember the feeling of it. I miss your touch, I lost those butterflies that always flitted around in me. I miss your kisses, I can't remember the feel of your lips on mine. Jungkook, please come home. My chest is empty. My heartbeats echo in my ribs because there's nothing left I love. Only you Jungkook, and you turned your back on me and never returned."
That morning I had work and classes off. I bit my lip and turned on my phone, checking to see if Jungkook had called me back. He hasn't. I pressed call on his number one more time. It rang and rang. When it cut to voice mail I began sobbing. As the message started recording I immediately dissolved.
"Jungkook! Please pick up! I can't live anymore! There's nothing left for me. I can't live like this anymore. I know you found someone better, so just say it! Say you only pitied me! It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like I have anything to live for. You were the one thing, Jungkook. I didn't die these past three years because deep down I thought you'd return to me and reassure me that you still loved me like you did when we were younger. But no! You didn't even look back once you got on that plane. Well guess what, Jeon Jungkook. I'm ready to fucking die. So if you ever return to Busan, don't expect to see me unless you plan on visiting a cemetery. So fuck this, Jungkook. I'm done. Done with you. Done with life. There's no reason to breath anymore, so goodbye once an for all. I hope that girl you found loves you as much as I did."
I pressed the button to hang up on the call. My eyes felt glazed over and my body felt numb. I sat for almost an hour before I slowly stood up and shuffled to the closet where a rope sat rolled up. I looked at it, thinking what if Jungkook really does come back? But that wouldn't happen. He already moved on.
I grabbed the rope and walked out to the living room. Thanks to the way the house was built, the ceiling had beams on it so you could hang chandeliers easily. I stood up on a chair and tied the rope to the beam. My hands trembled as I sloppily tied the noose. My body shook as I spaced out, thinking back to all my memories with Jungkook. I love him so much. Now look at what love did to me.
I pulled the noose around my neck and tightened it so I wouldn't slide out. I took a deep breath and stepped off the chair. The first shock came when my lung's supply was cut off. It burned. I could feel spit escaping my mouth and tears running down my face. Just as the door opened and a familiar voice shouted something I couldn't understand, I blacked out.

Jungkook POV
I ignored (Y/n)'s calls all day yesterday. I knew she might get mad but if I called her I knew my excitement would get the best of me and I'd tell her everything. I pulled my ring back on as I sat in first class on the plane.
I was going back home.
I was going to see (Y/n).
The whole plane ride was boring but I was eager to see her face, feel her skin, kiss her lips, and see her smile. Because of this, the plane ride felt short like it was only five minutes. When I stepped off the plane and into the airport, I quickly pulled my sunglasses and mask on to hide my face.
I glanced down at my phone and saw a couple missed calls from her and a voice mail. I smiled. I can't wait to see her. I clicked on the voice mail expecting it to be like the others. To be like "I miss you" "When are you coming back?" "Kookie I miss your voice." But I got something I didn't want to hear.
"Jungkook! Please pick up! I can't live anymore! There's nothing left for me. I can't live like this anymore. I know you found someone better, so just say it! Say you only pitied me! It doesn't matter anyway. It's not like I have anything to live for. You were the one thing, Jungkook. I didn't die these past three years because deep down I thought you'd return to me and reassure me that you still loved me like you did when we were younger. But no! You didn't even look back once you got on that plane. Well guess what, Jeon Jungkook. I'm ready to fucking die. So if you ever return to Busan, don't expect to see me unless you plan on visiting a cemetery. So fuck this, Jungkook. I'm done. Done with you. Done with life. There's no reason to breath anymore, so goodbye once an for all. I hope that girl you found loves you as much as I did."
I froze in shock. The girl I was talking about last night. She must have thought that I was talking about someone else. But it was her. I ran to baggage claim, bouncing from foot to foot. The second I saw my luggage I snatched it and started sprinting down the airport. I ran out and waved my hands above my head for a taxi frantically. It must have been funny looking but I was so terrified that I couldn't give a shit.
When a taxi pulled up I hurriedly hopped in. "Please take me to (your address) as fast as possible! My girlfriends in danger!" I was on the verge of tears and thankfully the driver didn't ask questions. He drove as fast as he could and eventually we made it to (Y/n)'s house. I jumped out, paying the man frantically. I sprinted to the front door nervous. What if she locked her door? When I turned the knob, it wasn't locked. I burst through the door and saw (Y/n) hanging by a noose.
"(Y/n)!"