GETAWAY CAR

49. The Smallet Coffins Are The Heaviest

October 27th 2017

Taylor's POV

The last week has been the worst week of my life. I didn't think it could get any worse than that first week after Adam, but until now I had never lost a child.

We've been distant from each other, neither of us understanding how we're meant to go on with our lives without our baby boy. Karlie's been sleeping on the daybed in Maisie's room and after moving her bassinet, I've been sleeping in Tilly's nursery. Neither of us can bring ourselves to sleep in the room where he died, we can barely even bring ourselves to be in this house.

"Taylor, you need to get dressed." I hear a voice and turn to see my mom coming into the nursery. "I don't think I can do it mom." I look up from the sleeping baby in my arms and her features soften as she gets closer to me. "Yes you can, you have to. You need to say goodbye properly, you both do." She turns around and Karlie appears behind her. "I'll give you two some privacy." She gives us a sad smile as she takes Tilly from me and leaves the room, leaving me and Karlie alone.

I feel my eyes fill with tears as she approaches me and within seconds she takes me in her arms. "I know, Tay, I know." She coos softly in my ear as we hold each other, crying over the loss of the baby we both loved with our entire hearts. "We have to do this, Taylor. We have to say goodbye, for the sake of Maisie and Tilly." I nod into her shoulder and pull away as she holds a hand out to help me up.

•••

"You look beautiful." Karlie smiles sadly as she turns to face me. I brush my shaky hands along the black fabric of the dress that stops at my knees. The sleeves cut off at my elbows with a high neckline, it's modest and simple. "So do you." A smile briefly graces my lips as I take in the appearance of my girlfriend. She's wearing black dress trousers, a black blouse that ties loosely at the neck and a black blazer. We're both wearing heels which accentuates our height even more than usual.

"My mom was going to dress the girls." Karlie takes my hand and I nod as she leads me out of the closet in her office. Our house has been overtaken by family; hers and mine, all of them trying to do whatever they can to make this easier on us. It doesn't help.

"Hey there, pretty girl." I smile sadly as I take Maisie in my arms. She's wearing a lovely white lace dress with matching ballet pumps and tights. We insisted that if kids were going to attend then we didn't want them wearing black, we wanted them in white. "Are you ready to go, honey?" My mom smiles softly as she catches our attention and I break my eyes away from the baby in my arms. I look at Karlie for confirmation and she nods, taking Maisie from me as I take Tilly from her mom.

Karlie arranged the whole service, I couldn't quite bring myself to do it so she stepped up and took control. I think she likes to keep active so she doesn't have to think about it.

We're riding in the black funeral car behind the hearse and the rest of our families will follow behind in the four black SUV's. We walk out of the house and the procession of cars is lined up on the side of the street. My heart breaks as I spot the tiny white coffin in the back of the hearse. One of the wreaths spells Theo and the other is a teddy bear made from blue roses. I smile sadly and blink back tears as Karlie leads me to the car with a gentle hand on my lower back.

When they asked us what we wanted him buried in, we chose the dinosaur sleeper that he got to match his twin sister, it was the first thing Karlie bought for him. I on the other hand was terrified there wouldn't be a baby to put in the sleeper, and now we're here. "Are you okay?" Karlie whispers in my ear and regains my attention as I realise I had stopped moving. I nod and keep walking, sliding into the back of the black car as Karlie gets in beside me.