Protect My Heart

Chapter 4

Clover

Margaret scanned the letters.

"I thought of keeping this a secret, but it's time to leave it all out in the open. I can't stand them anymore."

"Is there a reason for these dates?"

"Yes. March 5th is the day he saved me for the first time. October 31st is the day Mia was born. May 25th is the first time we... did it. And September 5th is the second time we met. I haven't been able to fathom the meaning of January 18th, but it's got to mean something."

"This is a poem, correct?"

'It was a night of passion.

The burning sensation of a small, gentle touch,

leaving a thousand shivers running through.

The light bite of the teeth, soft touches of the body, smooth kisses.

Most memorably, the look in the eyes,

showing so much love and affection.

The moonlight emanating from the window,

casting shadows.

The creaking sounds,

ear piercing screams,

audible sounds

like music to the ears,

sent over the edge.

Two souls casting into one,

leaving them bare and loved.'

"It's about our first time," I confessed, blushing. "He loved poetry, even if he didn't understand it at times. I admired what he tried to represent. That's a letter."

I had it memorized.

Clover, I know how much you miss me, and I miss you too. I die bit by bit every time I think of you. I let you down, but I'll also try to make it up to you. Every year on four special days, you'll receive gifts. You'll recognize the dates – I'd be highly disappointed if you didn't. I hope you can forgive me one day.

"The first letter I got. I don't get it: he left me, so why the letters?"

"I'm sure you know that answer deep down." He still cares. "The last time we talked about his drug addiction. You said you had a plan to pay him back. Tell me, did it work?"

5 May 2018 (three years ago)

"Here is your baby!" the doctor announced, pointing to the screen. "That little blip."

Logan awed, holding my hand. "It's so tiny!"

He was on cloud-nine. I never thought a pregnancy could make him so joyful. It might be a change for us – a big change.

After the appointment, he brought us back home, and I slumped on the bed, holding that photo of the ultrasound. Logan kissed me swiftly on the head, then said he had to go meet a friend. When asked about the identity of that said friend, he chuckled stupidly, saying it wasn't a woman.

I crossed my arms. "I didn't say it was. Tell me about that friend of yours."

"It's an old friend, Clo. He used to go to our school. I doubt you two even talked."

Frowning in distaste at the rise in his tone, the carelessness, old memories sparked. He was still using, and he needed another dose. It was all too obvious when he turned down an opportunity to watch our favourite show. To watch his favourite movies: The Avengers. So unlike him to turn that down as he was obsessed with those films. Kissing me goodbye, he said he'll watch it with me later. Again, unlike him.