Protect My Heart

Chapter 18

Flashlight - by Jessie J
High Hopes - by Kodaline

Clover

A month passed since our iconic night. The fighting decreased. Weekly, we repeated that night. Of course, in the mornings he'd be gone. I wasn't allowed to touch him either. The chest area was off-limits. He was the one who unclothed me and not him. I remembered the photos the doctor showed me, but I didn't push.

Time. We still had time. Until it would run out.

We worked on his anger together. I'd find ways to calm him down after his outbursts. Despite the fear of old memories, I sat next to him when he shattered to the floor. When we were younger, he did this to me during my breakdowns. He'd sit next to me and put his head on my shoulder. I knew all too well that it was like a ball of emotions had taken a toll on him, and he had nowhere to put them.

"Which dress? This looks cute!" Zoe said, pointing to two dresses. One was a black bandage dress and the other a loose baby-pink one. I picked the black one, saying it'd fit her curves. "So, how's my OG couple?"

"OG?" I said with a laugh. "Logan and I aren't OG."

"You totally are. Together since high school, you know. Do you have any idea how much I have wanted Sebastian and me to be like you two? I've always wanted what you two have."

"Sebastian loves you too."

Zoe rolled her eyes, lounging around the lingerie section. "He doesn't love me as much as Logan loves you. Honestly, I don't think anyone has the love you two have. Have you seen the way that man looks at you? It's as if you're his whole world, as if you mean everything to him."

"That's how it used to be. He used to look at me that way; he doesn't anymore."

"Clover, I may have only seen him about three times since he's been back, but I know what I'm talking about. And trust me when I say that every time anyone looks at him, he's already staring at you. If you saw it yourself then you'd understand about the look." Zoe picked up a lingerie set. "Logan loves you. He loves you so much that I'm sure he would even kill himself for you."

"Zoe!" I gasped, hand to my chest.

But I didn't think she was wrong. I'd heard him say that when we were younger. But a lot can change in over a decade. We weren't the same people, were we?

"It's true. Logan would risk his whole life for you. You can't deny it because he has admitted it. It's not healthy, but don't doubt his love for you."

"How can I not if he left me?"

"I don't know what his reasons were. But we all doubt he'd do anything to you without a good reason. You can call me an observer. Look, sometimes people who are in something don't see what the people already looking see."

I forced a smile. "You're probably right. Maybe I'm over-exaggerating."

Zoe pumped her shoulder with mine. "That's the way to go, bitch! Anyway, you want ice cream? I know I'm craving some."

After she paid, we ventured to the ice cream shop on the ground floor. I observed the countless flavours, in awe. I ordered a medium, one Oreo ball, and the other chocolate. I asked what Zoe wanted, but no answer came.

The seller handed me my ice cream. Children squealed around us, parents scolding them. On a Sunday, the mall was packed. "Zo, Zo?"

She was staring out of the mall window. It had large, glass walls that opened into the packed shopping streets of traffic and shoppers. Licking my ice cream, I tried to look at what she was seeing, but she grasped my shoulders.