Protect My Heart

Chapter 12

A/N: Suggested song for the chapter is "Sorry" by Halsey.

Clover

"Logan's back."

Margaret's stoic expression didn't waver. The corner of her mouth twisted despite her trying to stamp it down.

"You don't look surprised."

She set her notebook aside. What was she writing in that thing? "I'm not. Men always come back when you least expect it. It happened with my husband too."

"Did he disappear for years too?" I asked with slight embarrassment.

Therapists are supposed to ask you questions to solve your problems, not the other way around.

"In a way. We got separated for years and then he came back to me. But that's different. My husband didn't leave in a time of need. He didn't leave me the day I gave birth." Ouch. "I imagine you let him waltz right back into your life. He's probably in your home right now, taking up the couch."

It hit close to home.

"I've let him stay for about three weeks. And I know I'm supposed to have some control, but... I can't. I'm just ignoring the problem and refusing to ask him those questions, afraid he'll disappear again. He's in Mia's life now, and she adores him. If I go through with my enquires then it'll shove him away and she'll be left miserable. She's old enough to understand his presence, but not old enough to understand why he's suddenly gone again. I can't do that to her."

"But by letting him stay without a reason, you're allowing him to come and go as he pleases. By not confronting this issue, you allow him to control you. Children's moods come and go, too, but she'll understand years from now why Dad's not in the picture anymore. You have to do right by yourself."

"And what if I've missed him too? What I want him to stay and return to our happy little family?"

Margaret gritted her teeth at that. "It's not bad to miss someone. But you can still miss them with confrontation and aggression. You can miss someone and still kick them out."

"What if his reasons are something bad?"

"What do you mean?" she asked with a light tone. Her mood switched fast.

"Something's changed about him. He's not the same man I knew before. It's something I can't exactly point my finger on. But he lashes out. He lashes out more often now. It's this vile temper that sometimes makes me scared. I'm not scared he'll hurt me or Mia, but he might say something that he can't take back. Or he'll hurt himself. There are days when he comes out of his room with bloodshot eyes. I don't know what's happening to him."

"It's not your problem to solve." Huh? "Your problem right now is him. You shouldn't solve his issues. Whatever he's gone through is not an excuse to treat you like this. You need to grow a backbone and stand up to him. None of the excuses, please."

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off.

"Second, as I understand from your previous stories, you two have always had a high sex life. From what I can tell that sex is a dynamic between you two, a sort of problem solver. And it can be, but not in a healthy way. You need to figure out how to solve problems without sex. So, your task is to refrain from having any sort of intimacy with him."

I slumped back in my seat, agitated. "That's a silly –"

"No kissing." I sank lower. "No heavy petting or intercourse. In the next session, I better hear some progress. And your other task is to ask him, to initiate a conversation about it at least."

I left that possible feeling as though my gut had been punched. But throughout my talk with Margaret, I'd figured out the possible reasoning for his temper. I knew she told me not to push, not to fret about his reason, but this would be the start of something. So, I drove straight to that pitiful club and asked to see the owner.