Protect My Heart

Chapter 14

*MATURE CONTENT*

Suggested song: "Imagination"
by Shawn Mendes.

Clover

So hear me out, I hadn't told Margaret the full truth. I was a married woman, and therapy doesn't mean you have to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. It's not a courtroom. You say what you want to say, what gets you off – to easily put it. So what if I lied about the sex?

My love life was my business, and my business only. No one had any right prying into it.

Margaret also advised cutting Logan out of my life too. She said it wasn't healthy keeping him there, that he'd be bound to break my heart again. The stubborn me didn't listen. I said I'd think about it – lies lies lies.

No. No, listen first. I didn't plan to let him stay forever without any explanation.

I had my plans. Not the kind of plans that'd let him have his way with me again. Other bigger plans that took time and slow hours of thinking.

But our new sex life took my mind off his absence in the earlier years. The sex really was the problem solver. I desired every second of it. I thought our lovemaking was fantastic before, but this was top-notch. This crossed boundaries and brought us closer together.

That first night filled my every fantasy. Almost, but come close to it.

He was rough and merciless. He treated me like a ragdoll, taking as he pleased.

"Mommy, you hurt?"

Mia sketched on an A3 paper with crayons, drawing the ocean with three people surrounding it. I frowned at her. "No, no. I'm not hurt."

"You're walking funny!"

"I'm fine, sweetie. I just hurt myself." I peeked into the fridge. "Have you eaten yet?"

She jerked out a nod. "Daddy gave cereal."

And I'd wondered where he'd gone off to. He was never there when I woke up. Constant excuses to not be there. Honestly, I missed sleeping next to him for the sake of the bad dreams going away. In the middle of the night, I'd wake to the cold, but I'd be too lazy to check.

Sex was not enough closure to shrink my need for him.

I sighed at my daughter. "You have to say: Daddy gave me cereal. Say it with me."

"Daddy gave my cereal."

"Not 'my' but 'me'. Try again."

"Daddy gave me cereal." I pecked her cheek for that and told her to go draw in her room. Mia left the crayons on the kitchen table to instead have a tea party with her stuffed animals.

"Thinking about me?" An arm slid around me.

"N-No." Tingles spread across my arms. His hair was wet, strands matting to his forehead. He'd come straight from the shower. "Where were you this morning?"

"I went for a run."

My heart swelled. He had been going on runs a lot lately. Every morning. Possibly an excuse to avoid me.

I pulled out the blender from the cupboard, cutting up slices of bananas, strawberries, kiwis. The knife nearly slipped out of my hand when Logan pressed himself against me. "You're mad."

"Not mad." Liar. I poured some orange juice into the mix of fruits that I'd slid into the blender.

"Hm, I know how I can make you unmad." My nipples hardened when he cupped them. "You're so soft."