Protect My Heart

Chapter 22

Suggested songs: "Feel Alive"

By Katie Herzig and "Turn and Turn Again" by All Thieves

Clover

Adam seated me on the couch of his home. Bella was at work. He offered me a cup of peppermint tea and brought the tray over. My hands trembled around the mug, splashes hitting my bare legs. I wore a lot of skirts lately. But the burns didn't hurt. No, the burns brought me alive and made me think straight.

Of course, after what I spent my teenage years doing, it wasn't a surprise how burns made me feel. When I was younger, I found some sort of sick solace in warm water. Luckily, the burns hadn't left any scars, so the outsiders couldn't know what the hell I was talking about. My scars weren't to the outside world, and sometimes I pitied that. Sometimes I wished I'd made them known for people to see and pity me. Did I long for that pity?

Back then, I longed to be noticed, to be put somewhere safe.

No one really noticed, though, so that brings me to my question: which scars are worse: the known or the unknown?

"What happened?" Adam's voice cut me out of my childhood.

"He wants a divorce. He's going to divorce me, Adam, and I can't let that happen. So tell me what you know. What the hell do you know?"

"I'm not following..."

Oh, cut the crap!

"That's bullshit!" I shouted, more splashes landing on my skin. "Three years ago, your friendship with Logan turned weird. You cried every time you saw him. There was something going on. So tell me, did you know he planned to leave?"

Adam looked away. He couldn't face looking at me while lying. "No. And you shouldn't talk to me about –"

"You don't have to lie. I know you knew. As for Logan, he's not giving me anything. We're going to fall if we don't pick things up. But we can't do that if he demands a divorce. He'll let this go for something so silly or dangerous..."

His gaze snapped back to me. "Dangerous?"

I nodded. "Jake mentioned it. I went to see him today. He told me I'm not safe anymore. He told me to get out. Only a frightened person would say that. He also preached Logan for his bravery, for his choices. Jake refused to say anything else, but he was terrified too. Now tell me, what causes two grown men to feel so powerless and afraid that they refuse to give answers?"

"You shouldn't have talked to him," Adam said. "You're putting us all at risk. If you continue down this path, there won't be anyone left. Leave it to Logan to salvage this –"

"No!" The tea soaked through my skirt as the cup fell on my lap. The sting worsened my anger but soothed any pain. "He's in pain too. It's not Logan's duty to save all of us. He's just one man who loves those close to him too much. He's unhappy, Adam, and you're letting him. You're all turning a blind eye, and for what? To save your weak skins? He's your best friend, and here you are, letting him take the downfall on his shoulders."

He gritted his teeth. "I can't, Clover... I wish I could. I've wanted to tell Bella, but he forced me not to. Jake was right to advise you to get out. You and Mia should leave, but I doubt anywhere is safe. You can't escape. And Logan refuses to let you go. He will forever refuse to let you go."

"I'm not the one here asking for a divorce." I scoffed.

"You really do underestimate him." At my frown, he continued. "You're everything he has and has had since he was young. You grew up together and leaned on each other for support, so he sees you as a sanctuary. He refuses to have anything or anyone else. Even if he does divorce you, he'll be a very unhappy man. There won't be anyone else, not even useless hookups. He'll watch you marry again with that sad puppy face from the sidelines while knowing he did the right thing. But he also adores you, indescribably, so he'll do whatever you want. He'd rather die than cause you misery."