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〖 chapter five ⋆oh, brother 〗
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Crowds of people didn't make Garrett feel uneasy. In fact, the Lockwood boy loved to be surrounded by people. So many people who took up so much energy in the space leaving not much for him, allowing him to hide. He loved big crowds of people, pushing through individuals and hiding among them in plain sight. It was easier to let go, to be whoever he wanted – Jekyll of Hyde – and no one would even question it, no one would give him a second glance.
But in some big crowds he couldn't just let go. In those situations, he was a stranger among strangers, a nobody anyone would ever think of again, while others were filled with people who knew him – or thought they knew him. To the masses, he was Garrett Lockwood the soccer player, top of the class in history, and with a golden smile. The boy who could do no wrong, who had no scandals or breakups, no relationships they could prey on filled with such juice and betrayal.
He was just plain Garrett Lockwood who always helped and gave a smile, who made girls swoon with just one look. Who never actually took action when they gave him their number leaving them crushed. Who sat with Flash Thompson and his on-and-off again girlfriend, Maddie Blu, and his own best friend Clayton and now Tatiana.
This Garrett couldn't just let go and choose between Jekyll and Hyde, go between the two of them whenever he wanted, and be free – this one had a role to play. And oh, did he play it well. This one, a version of the Golden Boy, played ignorant to Flash Thompson's antics, agreed with them about sports and listened in their party stories and shrugged whenever they asked him to volunteer his own.
He still enjoyed this, though, the people and the sounds and the clamoring over others to speak. So many voices and so many people that he could be forgotten, a phantom surrounded by people who talked on and on for days while he listened and at his food even though it was from the cafeteria and therefore not the best. He didn't have to be loud, he could be silent. He could look around and see how other people smiled as they launched into conversations with their own friends.
He could sneak peeks to Peter, who sat with Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones. He looked so happy and free there, being himself and probably talking about classes or science or something so overly nerdy.
Garrett envied that.
But it wasn't unusual, he often envied those who could just be so open with themselves. How could they be themselves while he hid away, while he played his different roles that weren't him. But they were, though, they were him only slight altercations were made.
Garrett Lockwood didn't know who he truly was, if he was the Golden Boy or Icarus. He felt more like a mixture. He felt more like none of them at all. But he couldn't figure out who he was because he kept playing the roles and being those people that others wanted him to be. He couldn't be anything else except that – he had to their Golden Boy, he had to be Peter's Icarus.
