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〖 chapter six⋆say goodbye 〗
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He had to talk to Peter, tell him that the kiss was so wrong and that they couldn't do it again. He couldn't keep living this life of sin, carrying this weight around that anchored him down and left him feeling just so terrible. He had to let go and be who he was supposed to be, that person didn't include Peter or any of what he felt for the boy.
And his feelings? Oh, those were terribly wrong. He knew that, he knew too well that his feelings were Peter were wrong because they were directed to another boy and not a girl. He should be thinking of Maddie like that or some other girl but not Peter. But how could he not? When Peter shyly smiled up at him, sheepish, mumbling over his words are they ran together as he rambled on and on about conspiracy theories.
There was so much more. Peter, during school, when he would always mumble the answers to questions under his breathe because even though he knew it he didn't want to announce it for all the class to hear, showing off just how smart he was. Peter who played with the friendship bracelet that Michelle made him although she didn't call it that. Peter who stared so innocently back up at him with those doe brown eyes.
It was awful, completely awful that he was falling way too fast for those eyes, but he couldn't help it. It was Peter and he was just so easy to fall for even if it was wrong. Even if that wasn't who he was, he wasn't a sinner – he didn't sin like that.
So it had to end. He had to put down his foot and break all ties with the boy because he was too tempting and staying close would only damage him in the future. He had a plan, his whole life set out, and Peter was not a part of that. He was going to become a lawyer like his father, just as it was planned for it. Easy. Simple. He didn't have to ponder like others what they truly wanted because his was already set in stone, he didn't need to think about that.
But he was getting off track. He was involving himself with someone who would only bring bad things into his life and he couldn't have that. He couldn't have Peter; he had to say goodbye.
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Garrett preferred showers over bathes. Most people did, bathes made people uncomfortable with the knowledge that they sat in their own filth for long periods of time in lukewarm water that progressively got colder as time went on. Those who did prefer bathes would argue that the filth they had been soaking in dripped away when the stood up and dried off but Garrett still didn't fully believe them.
But he was someone who never liked bathes – even those on a Friday night with music playing and candles with bubbles covering the water that was usually depicted in films. Even those seemed treacherous. But under the scolding water of a shower, he closed his eyes and let himself fade away, trying to relax his muscles.
