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〖 chapter nine ⋆stay a little longer (nervous) 〗
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Peter stayed for a couple more hours until nine turned to eleven and he slowly lessened his grip on the boy. He knew what that meant but he didn't want it to happen, he wanted Peter to stay forever because it felt so nice to stay there in his arms and be himself – be whoever Garrett Lockwood really was – and no one else. But the boy couldn't stay forever, they couldn't just stay in the moment forever.
It seemed so nice, creating this world where Peter would stay forever and it was just them, isolated from all else. A little island in his mind where, while he was crying and the pressure was releasing and his muscles were relaxing because he finally could just relieve the tension, he was happy. He was with Peter, the only person who made him feel like maybe he was himself and they were there forever. No one would ruin it, eleven wouldn't come and his dad didn't decide everything and soccer wasn't his concern – pretending wasn't his concern.
But all good things came to an end and Peter was releasing his grip on Garrett, still pressing a kiss to his head before opening his mouth to give a low whisper of, "I'm sorry – I need to go."
He knew he swallowed down all of the complaints, the pleads for Peter to stay forever. They didn't have to leave his room or, better yet, they could just run away and be together and alone forever. It would be great, a true dream...and dreams didn't cross over to real life.
So he nodded and detached himself from Peter, seeing the concerned look on his face. "Will you be okay?" Peter asked.
He wanted to scream and laugh. He was never okay, that was his thing; pretending. Pretending his was fine and nothing bothered him and he wasn't in this constant pain of pretending and acting as if everything was fine and dandy in Garrett Lockwood Land when it never was. He was to scream his head off to release all the thoughts inside his head, all the screaming his kept looked away. He wanted to tell Peter the truth, be so selfish still, and tell him that no – he was never okay and he never would be. That was his curse.
He wanted to tell Peter everything, absolutely everything. More than he had two hours ago when the boy crept in through his window to see his crying, more than he had never thought about telling anyone else. He wanted to say that he never felt right, the 'again' from before was lie because he couldn't remember a time when that was the truth – when 'I'm fine' was the truth.
But that would be selfish and Peter had to get home. His aunt was probably worrying about him if she knew he went out and he couldn't keep Peter with him for the night or for forever. He had to let go and he alone again, he was used to it – he would be okay.
"Yeah," his voice was scratchy and cracked, "I'll – I'll be okay."
But he didn't want that. He wanted Peter to stay forever, or at least a little longer. Stay a little longer please, he wanted to tell him but that was too selfish. Peter had to go.
