A Friendly Experiment

Bro's Before Ho's

DAVID:

I sat down at my computer with a nice, steaming cup of coffee and looked at the clock.  It was 8:59.  Less than a minute away.  I took a sip out of my mug and watched the minute hand crank forward.  I clicked record on my tape recorder and started.

"It is 9 AM on Monday.  It has officially been two weeks since the start of the experiment and the participants have shown to be pretty great.  In room three are Subject P and Subject TA, who have the most predictable outcome so far.  At first the two subject were physically attracted, and then they became emotionally attracted, but instead of pursuing a relationship, there is a stand still.  Silence and polite conversation seem to be the only thing that fills the air, not love. 

In room two, Subject A and C have a quite odd relationship.  Constant bickering and fighting, which has been pointed out to me, could be a sign of sexual tension.  This was proven right on Friday evening when the subjects shared a less than romantic kiss, after a strong argument.  My theory is that both of them are very attracted to the other, because they display the most attractive attributes that they see in themselves.  Never the less, the weekend was silent for them, as they rarely talked.

Finally, in room one, is my favorite case.  Subjects B and TE could not be further apart.  TE is quiet and keeps to himself, while B finds the need to make conversation, even when no one is listening.  Both of them suffer from a dysfunctional upbringing.  TE rebels against authority to get the attention of an absence - probably an absent parent.  B puts up a happy front and overachieves, though her home life is probably unsatisfying - probably, again, and absent parent or parents with marital issues.  After some confrontation, the two seem to not be angry with each other, but continue not to talk.

My predictions are as follows: Subjects P and TA will realize there comparability and sexual attraction and eventually agree to pursue a relationship.  Subjects A and C with pursue strange sexual encounters or with eventually fight.  And subjects B and TE will continue in their ways, as they are stubborn creature, which only a large interference could change.  These are strange times."

I stopped the tape recorder and set it down on my table.  I wanted badly to brag over the fact that there had been progress in my sex life, but I figured that may be a tad unprofessional.  I sipped my coffee in peace, before a knock interupted me.  I smiled, knowing it was Kingsley, since no one else would ever come to my house, let alone at 9 in the morning.  I jogged down stars and paused in the hallway mirror.  I fixed my collar and my unruly hair, trying to look as good as I could.  The knocks grew stronger and stronger and I just laughed.

"Hold your horses." I said in a playful tone, opening the door. 

Before I got a chance to say hello or to be said hello to I was greeted with a firm punch to my jaw.  I flew backwards falling to the ground.  I was shocked with pain and my head was spinning.  I looked up to see a tall, burly figure that was not Kingsley.

"You slept with my girlfriend!" were the words that rang from his lips. 

Hearing this I panicked and try to back away, but his hands were already tightly gripping my Polo sweater.  He was definitely stretching the material, but I couldn't worry about that know.  I tried to shake him off, but I couldn't and he socked me in the eye.  I felt and heard ringing in my head, a sensation that I didn't know was possible.

"What are you talking about?" I asked (more like cried).

"You slept with my girlfriend!" He yelled, ready to punch me again.  Before he could, I figured I should try to stall him by asking what the hell was going on.

"What?  Why?" I yelled.

"Kingsley." He said, firmly punching me in the gut. 

I keeled over onto the floor and clutched my innards, which felt like a bag of Ramen noodled currently.  My mind flooded with thoughts and I found myself very confused.  I stood up quickly and got a look at the guy who'd been beating the shit out of me.  He was about my height (maybe shorter), but definitely stockier.  He had a good 50 lbs of muscle on me, which made me want to use my flight instincts.  He was good looking too, far better than I could look.  He was also wearing a Letterman jacket that was decked out with medals and pins, which I found to be overkill.