Miss Popular and the Nerd

Ch. 34 Vanessa

Chapter 34      

Vanessa

Hannah POV  

So she didn't talk to me for a week and now she says she loves me and that I should come over. Seriously who does this girl take me for. Some person waiting for her to call me. Sure this week was kind of horrible, always hanging out with Angie. But I actually got to know her a bit. She seems nice. But I go anyway. As I knock on the front door, Cheyenne the stupid step-fucker opens it. I totally ignore her and go into her room. She isn't there. Weird. I shout her name but the halls echo it back to me. If she is not in her room she has to be in the bathroom. I knock. No reply. I see the door is unlocked and open it. Then I see her. She lies inside the tub full of red. Red blood. I fall down beside her and sob. I grab her head. She isn't moving or breathing. I lost her.

 

"No, Nessi! No!! Why did you do this to yourself? Why!?” I shout at her as if she were still here. Then I see her arms. On her left arm she cut the phrase “I love you”. On the right arm “Hannah.” No. She killed herself because of me. It was all my fault. She died because of me. Why? It feels like she killed me with her. I feel numb. I don't know if I feel angry or sad or both. I hate myself, I hate her, I hate everybody. It was only my fault. I keep sobbing and sit next to her and let it all out. Cheyenne hears my sobs and comes upstairs. She stays at the door frame and just lets out an “Oh”.  

“Call the ambulance, you stupid bitch!” I scream at her. That pulls her out of her trance and runs down. She doesn't even react to the fact I said stupid bitch. A little later the ambulance comes and takes her body with them. I want to come with them but they won't let me. I just cry. I look around the room because I want to keep something of hers. Then my catches a glimpse of an envelope. On it says:

To the ones I leave behind.

I open I carefully.  

Dear ones that I left behind.

It is none of your fault. Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have helped me anyway. You didn't have anything to do with it. I love you all with all my heart. All of you are amazing people and I hope my death doesn't change that. Keep living and don't take the easy way out like I did. All of you are strong and you will make it past this. I believe in all of you. Thank you for making me as happy as I could be and for loving me for the way I was. Please do not forget me. But I know that I will live in your memory. I love you. Vanessa  

I scan the envelope for something else and see a letter with my name on it.  

Dear Hannah.

You were the love of my life. And you will always be. I was depressed when you rejected me. And that was when I started cutting myself. I am sorry that I made you find me but you are the one person I trust with my life and this letters. You are an amazing person and I don't want my death to affect that. If you ever need help then just know I am watching you from above and support in every way possible. Please remember me. I know you will. But I was so over the life I had so I ended what my parents had started. My life. But it is NOT your fault. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of this miserable life. I know that you and Matt will work it out somehow. And I wish you all the best with your baby and other issues. If you ever start with being bulimic again. Think of me and that I would not have wanted it. I know it will be hard at first. But I believe in you. You will survive because you are one of the strongest, most reliable and trustworthy people I know. I will always love you. Always. See you in another life. Vanessa

_____

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