stoical - l.h.

fifteen

at the end of the chapter, lavender mentions some songs she's listening to at the moment and also mentions the song her and calum both like. i'm going to list the songs i was thinking of right here so if you want to listen to them or just know, they're here for you!

calum & lavender's song -  miss glum & the pursuit of falling by gus dapperton 

what lavender is currently listening to - distractions by wild painting, right now by one direction, inertia by brother moses, everybody loves you by charlotte lawrence

the song about 'searching for love' - surround you by echosmith

i have a playlist with all these songs and much more if you're interested. thanks, hope you enjoy the chapter!

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The steady humming of my phone vibrating in the quiet of the night startles me so bad I audibly gasp and shoot upwards in my bed when it penetrates the wall of negative thoughts surrounding my brain. The phone is faced down on my bedside table, charging, so the light doesn't shine against the pale walls of the room. Instead, however, the light spills from beneath it and seems like it is trying desperately to escape.The rhythm of the vibration continues to worry me because of is incessant pattern. It so closely resembles a heartbeat it is eerie and disturbing. I grab it in an instant, just wanting the sound to stop so that my heart can slow down.

When I see Calum's name on the caller ID, I wonder if this is dream. I don't think he's called me once before, and at first I really don't think I should answer because it's probably an accident or something. Internally, I convince myself that if there were an emergency, he would definitely come into my room to get me instead of calling me. But then I start second guessing that thought and I am unable to make a decision before the call fails anyway. I stare in panic at the now blank screen and wait for it to light up again, for that terrible buzzing noise to once again fill my ears. When it doesn't for a good amount of seconds, I toss the phone onto my bed like it's a dangerous object. I crawl backwards on my bed so that I'm leaning against the wall. When I lean my head against the cool wall, I make sure my forehead gets the most of the coldness so that the headache pounding against my skull will somehow subside.

My phone lights up again. But it's different this time since it is a series of text messages that very suddenly come flooding in, causing almost the same buzzing pattern as the phone call did. Again, I pick up the device to just make it stop. When I see what Calum's texting me, I furrow my brow and try to read everything. It's hard since he keeps sending more and more and the conversation keeps refreshing. Plus, the screen is so bright and I'm delirious at the late hour. It must be well past two in the morning now, unfortunately.

I can barely make sense of his text messages since they're all gibberish. But what I do make of it isn't good at all.

Calum Hood, 02:31: lavende rplease tell me that you are aawake

I nedde hepl

pplease im sorry

im hurt i need ypu to help me

Calum Hood, 02:32: frint door in fiv eminutes pl ease

i just nee dto get in PLEASE

The rest of the message are straight gibberish and unable to me made out. I can't identify any words in the next ones, but my heart does skip a beat when I see a word that could easily have been intended to be 'Luke'. I also see 'hurt' and some rendition of 'blood' that could also be many other words, which makes me unsure. But this whole thing still makes me very nervous and I wonder if it's some sort of prank. It's scaring me. I'm not speaking to Calum, and he knows that, and yet he's reached out to me like this. Could he be drunk or something? How could he even be? The last I heard of him tonight was when he was going to bed, and it wasn't too early when he finally turned in. Did he sneak out? Obviously, if he went out to get wasted, he did. But why, and how?