stoical - l.h.

twenty-three

okay so WOW. it has been a while, i know. i'm going to explain all of that here (why i wasn't writing, why i was gone for a while, etc.) so if you're not interested feel free to skip until the chapter, up to you.

first and foremost, i am not giving up on this story. i know the wattpad community, specifically with the 5sos community has become a lot smaller over the past couple of years and so it's a lot harder to get your fanfic out there (at least for me it is, IDK) and stuff, especially when, like me, you don't have a fan account or an internet presence. that said, i lost a lot of motivation just because i get in my own head about not being liked and stuff and lost my confidence. i also became overcome with school since it was beginning and i still am overcome with it. i'm not saying i'm going to be posting nearly as much as i used to for right now since school is still in full swing. i am saying that i'm going to try a lot harder than i have been lately.

i basically took a break. i think i needed it. i was exhausting my creativity by trying to get updates up frequently and even so i wasn't gaining as quickly as everyone else which was why i was feeling bad, but then over my break i remembered that i'm not writing this for reads, i'm writing it because it's something important to me that i want to put out there. who knows, this could become important to somebody else some day. someone else in the future could love the story just as much as i do.

i owe you readers an apology for slacking, and i do promise to try harder. i won't give up!!!!! i hope you won't give up on this story either. it may take longer than i originally thought, but this story will be finished. i am extremely determined.

as usual, thanks so so much for reading. i am so grateful!!!!!

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The call comes when I am drying my hair after a long, hot shower. I'm feeling even more exhausted than I was before getting in the shower, and a little bit dizzy from all the steam in the bathroom. My phone begins to buzz in its bothersome way, and my heart skips a beat when I remember for the first time since he said it that Luke was planning on calling me.

It isn't too late, but I'd been planning to go to sleep anyway since I'm not feeling my best. For once, all my homework was done when I got home, and I'd actually had the time and motivation to give myself a nice, long shower. I'd even spent more time than usual downstairs today with the whole Hood family, watching whatever programs they preferred and normally watched.

Since I had been planning on going to sleep, I consider for about a second not answering the call. I could just claim that I'd already fallen asleep and didn't wake up when the phone rang. Really, I don't owe Luke any sort of explanation for anything in the first place, but if he asked that could be my excuse.

I don't know why I find myself picking up the call straight after thinking up why I shouldn't, how I could get out of it. But I do, and then I'm putting the phone against my ear and greeting the boy on the other end.

"Hello?" I say softly. Even my voice is a little bit tired tonight.

"Hello," Luke responds simply. He seems nervous. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. How are you?"

I grab my hairbrush and run it through my slightly damp hair, setting the phone on speaker momentarily on my bed. I decide I'm going to give up on drying my hair since I no longer feel like it. I feel like talking to Luke instead.

"I'm okay, too," There is a beat of silence where I wonder what I should say, or if Luke is going to say something. I realize how strange it is that we are just on a phone call with each other, without me having asked for help or being forced to talk to him. Sure, on some level this goes back to Emerson forcing this all on me, but in a way this is a little bit separate from that. On some level, at least in my mind, Luke has just called me, without any specific reason. It feels good to think this, so I let the thought settle, whether it is true or not.