Help Me

The First Night

Mikey

It was an early night for everyone that night.

Well, everyone except Mikey.

He could tell that they were all trying to stay awake for him, but he wished they wouldn't. They needed to catch up on their sleep, and he needed to not be so reliant on everyone for every little thing.
One by one the boys drifted off, Brooklyn being the last one to slip into rest, softly snoring from his mattress on the floor.
And then Mikey was alone.

Straight away, the helplessness that he had repressed slowly began to seep back into his veins, freezing his chest, which sent an icy jolt to rush through his body. The darkness didn't help one bit, seeming to fortify the coldness in him, a barrier beginning to whisper in front of him with malicious intent.
He shivered, and realised that he had been trembling. Mikey let out a panicked gasp then, but clamped his hands tightly over his mouth.

No... He couldn't wake the boys... They needed their sleep... They'd lost enough already because of him.

His eyes frantically moved back and forth in the darkness, trying to find something, anything, to focus on in the darkness. It was all black. It was all oddly shaped. And it was all imperceivable.

Mikey felt the need to scream, an irresistible urge that rippled it's way from his knee to his throat, but he swallowed it back down at the last second, screwing his eyes shut tightly.
He couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to make the noise.
He couldn't bring himself to fall apart, no matter how much he wanted to.

He had to get out of the flat. Then he could let loose in peace, then he could fall apart while no one was watching. Then he could let his mind wonder, over every little thing that plagued him. And that was a lot.

And then he froze mid lunge, hand hovering in the air just above his crutch. Mikey inhaled sharply, retracting his hand with a barely stifled whimper.
Afterall, how could he even think of going outside, especially considering what happened last time? The man could be there. The man could follow him again... The man could leave him for dead on the floor again.
Or perhaps even just actually kill him this time.

Mikey backed himself into the far corner of his bed frantically, curling up as tight as his wounds would allow. He was insignificant... So surely he should be reflecting that? He only made others lives worse, as everyone was constantly worrying about him... If he wasn't around then people wouldn't worry... If he wasn't around everyone could be happy.

And then the tears began to flow, slowly at first, but with each thought the stream continued to increase in volume. His cheeks were wet, his shirt becoming damp; but he didn't make a sound. His breathing returned to normal, but the tears never stopped.
His knee began to twinge, and he closed his eyes, trying to block everything out, clamping his hands over his ears when he heard the man's voice echoing in his ears.

Pathetic...

Mikey's heart began to pound fast... Too fast... He just wanted it to stop... He just wanted everything to stop...

What was he going to tell his mum? How was he even supposed to catch up on the work he'd missed? How was he going to fix his friendship with Rye? Rye, who'd repaired his phone so that he could do something to help. Rye, who didn't leave his side the whole time he was asleep. Rye, the friend he'd pushed away because he was scared that Rye would get too close. Rye, the person who refused to leave him alone... And then Mikey had just thrown it all back in his face, desperation at Rye finding out becoming overpowering. What kind of a friend was he?
How could any of the boys even look at him right now?

He was pathetic. That man had been right.
He was pathetic because he had anxiety, and was too scared to tell anyone. He was pathetic because he couldn't express his feelings like most people could. He was pathetic because he missed home. He was pathetic because he pushed away those close to him.

He was pathetic because he cried alone in the dark.

Pathetic...

And then he heard the boys soft, even breathing, ultimately reminding him that he wasn't alone in the flat. There was no threat here... Only his head.
He sighed, feeling his lip wobble as he curled even tighter. Mikey's crying didn't cease... Rivers of despair flooding onto his shirt, the helplessness from before pulsing through his veins in large quantities.
The darkness was all around him, physically and emotionally, and Mikey felt it consume him whole.

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Hello, thankyou for reading guys!
I'm sorry this one is so short, but it's setting up for the next chapter, which is going to be a LONG one, and you don't want to miss it!
And it probably won't be up for a good few days yet.
Thanks for the votes too ❤️
Love WolfGirl. ❤️