The 100th Guy (English - Unedited)

[CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO] You're still...

Chapter Twenty-Two

You’re still the most beautiful girl in the world to me

I’m useless.

            I felt locked in a dark and soundless chamber. I could feel my body moving, I could feel my breathing, but I did not feel alive anymore. Whatever I did did not make sense at all. My body was soring, numbness ran all throughout me. Until it reached to the point that even moving, I felt scared doing anymore.

            I could still picture their smiling faces in my head. I could still hear their sweet voices touching my ears. But until when? Until where? What would happen next? That I would not know. I tried to flash in my dark sight the faces of my family, my friends, him. Was it still possible to love even without seeing and hearing? How could I let them feel how important they were in my life if I felt so useless?

            I had no idea what was happening around me. I just sat like a total dumb at some place I did not know when I felt someone lifted me carefully. He then put me down and I could already feel the leather seat under my legs and the smell of aircondition. I lifted my hand to feel by touch what was around me when it landed to a closed door. I was in the car.

            I closed my eyes and tred to open my mouth to say few words. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not hear anything. Or maybe, there was no voice coming from me.

            The door that I was leaning on suddenly opened. And I could not help myself but cry when I realized who was there beside me.

            Maisen’s scent…

            I tried my best not to cry but no lie could hide the truth. I just put my face in my palms and there I cried. I thought my frustrations would go away. But they did not. Not even my tears could help me feel comfortable. I had no idea how hard I did it, but I just cried— a cry that I felt no one heard and no one saw. I felt so alone. I had no idea what to do. I was afraid, Ife lt my body shrinking in the cold. I did not know if I was still worthy of Maisen. It just pained me to think that I did not anymore. I did not want to believe with Jane’s tease that Maisen could have found someone better. I trusted him and I loved him. But what could a helpless person like me do? I knew that anytime now, he could just leave me. Everyone around me could just step out of my life and find someone better than me.

            And what made everything so miserable is the fact that if ever they would leave me, I would not know if they already did. Because I could not see, I could not hear. I’m useless.

            I asked myself, are feelings enough? It was just funny how my mind kept saying that what would dictate how a person should feel was what he would see or hear.

            But there was something protesting in my chest. So I sat straight and erased the tears from my eyes. The eyes, the ears nor the mind could never change what a heart would truly feel. That was why people would still follow what their hearts in the end, because nothing could ever win over a beating heart.

            Whatever the world would dictate you, whatever the society would ask of you, in the end, there’s nothing that a heart could not do.

“So that’s what happened…” I nodded at Jane. She was just staring at nothingness, assessing what I told her. Then she suddenly looked at me with  her eyes drawn in thin lines. “But still, you should have told Midori the truth. That your family has problems. My bestfriend maybe naïve but she’s not that stupid. She wouls understand that. I am sure!”