The 100th Guy (English - Unedited)

[CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR] I love you...

Chapter Twenty-Four

I love you but I’m sorry

“Take my hand. Take a breath. Pull me close and take one step. Keep your eyes, locked on mine. Let the music be your guide. Won’t you promise me that you’ll never forget to keep dancing wherever we go next.”

            I kissed Midori’s hands and saw her smiled at me. I brushed her hair with my hand as she sat calmly on her wheelchair. In front of us was a very beautiful view of the sunset. And Midori's eyes were at it as if she sees it.

          “It’s like catching lightning. The chances of finding someone like you. It’s one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do. And with every step together, we just keep on getting better. So can I have this dance?” I went in front of her and sat on my heels to fix the shawl on her lap. Did you like my voice? Can I now be Kyela Marjorene’e new vocalist. Terrence should be worried, sooner I could replace him.”

            She smiled when I squeezed her hand. Her eyes were still on the serene dusk. The sky was the very same orange one that we saw the day I brought her to my refuge. It was like she was seeing everything with the peaceful face that she had. She looked… contented.

            “Midori, I wish you could really see this. You know, the sky was the very same orange one. It’s the same sky there is when I proposed to you. Do you remember that? Hmmm?” I gently pinched her cheeks and she had that weak smile on her face again. “But you can’t hear me.” I sighed. I wish she could hear me. I wish she could see me. In that way, she could probably be happier.

            I put her hands on my cheeks and closed my eyes for a moment to feel it. I really like the feeling when her hands were on my cheeks. I feel her warmth. I feel so happy, I could not ask for more. But just her touch. “But you can feel me right?” I put her hand on my left chest. “It’s beating for you. I don’t care if you can’t hear it. But you can feel it. I’ll always be here for you, Midori. I love you so much… but… forgive me. I can’t just watch my father die with his emotional burdens while I do nothing. This is the least thing I can do. Please forgive me… please.”

            With a reason unknown to me, a single drop of tear fell from her right eye. She was smiling while her eyes were still settled in the falling dusk. She slowly closed her eyes and still smilingly got my hand which was holding her hand on my chest. She held it tightly, nodded, then her tears started to come one-by-one from her eyes until they chased one another. She then let go of my hand.

            I kissed her forehead and smiled, “Don’t worry. I love only you. So gather your strength and get better, okay? Be strong, Midori. Please… Please…”

            Avril was already waiting for us outside her room when we went back to the hospital.

            “She’s tired,” he said with a smile as he got her from me. “She easily gets tired these days. She’s been receiving different medicines and vaccines with dosages I could not imagine.”

            “She’ll be fine…” I muttered.

            “Is that a question or a statement?” He chuckled softly as we both walked Midori back to her room. I greeted his wife, Flip, who was preparing food at the table. “You should be fine. Midori hates people who aren’t smiling. “

            “I will. Please call me if something happens.”

            “Except if it happens in the middle of your wedding.” I fell silent and did nothing but to bow my head. “Aish! Don’t be like that! It’s for you, Maisen. For your family. I know how important it is to be married to Sirri, Maisen. Though I don’t like the concept of your marriage but…  Of course. It’s the only way. And I deeply understand that.”

            I shook my head then looked at him. “Something’s holding me back. Should I still continue this? mean, I don’t find it significant. I was neither exctited nor nervous for our wedding. It’s just like… nothing. Like a thing that I should let pass by. Then after that, my problem with my family will be solved. But I will always be back to this place. To where Midori is.”

            “Is there other way to solve the problem? I mean… if it’s the only way then take it or leave it.”

            Is there really other way to solve it? If there is, then somebody please tell me. Because my mind is rusting, I can’t even decide on my own. For twenty-six years, I’m still that Maisen who can’t decide for himself.

            When we already prepared Midori’s needs and got her to her bed, I waved goodbye to all of them. I almost did not want to leave not only if Avril did not push me to Sirri. But before I could totally leave, I sat beside the sleeping Midor and put in her delicate hand a necklace that long wanted to give her.

            I kissed her forehead and whispered at my utmost sincerity, “The situation is trying to take me away from you. I don’t want to go but it’s too strong I can’t fight. But I’m leaving my heart to you. It’s all yours. Crumple it, step on it, and crush it if you want to. If that’s the price of my choice to marry some other girl, then do it. But please don’t throw it away. Forgive me.

            I love you but I’m sorry.”