Drawing Hope In Progress (5H/you)

Chapter 72

If you want love by NF

Normani's pov:

"How are we today?" We all nod our heads and answer Simon's question.

We start to walk and I notice Y/n lean closer to Ally and grab her hand, her free hand making it's way to her mouth. I move past Lauren and in between Y/n and Dinah to grab her hand from her mouth. I rub my thumb on the back of her hand to try and relax her as we make our way to the studio room.

I enter in first behind Simon, who takes the swivel chair by the recording dock. I let go of Y/n to allow her to choose where she wishes to sit. She makes her way to the couch and sits on the floor in front of it. I follow suit along with the girls to the couch. Lauren sits on the middle cushion and puts Y/n in between her legs, I sit beside her along with Ally and Dinah sits on the ground beside Y/n.

There are a few clicks as Simon cues up the recording. I see Lauren absentmindedly play with Y/n's hair, who seems to relax a little under the touch and lean back closer to Lauren. Simon turns around with a proud smile on his face while he looks at all of us.

"Y/n... This cover that you've done is fantastic. I am quite impressed with your emotion and control," he shifts in his chair to reposition his posture. "Is it alright if I play it aloud to the girls?" Y/n quietly nods, and Lauren leans down ear level to the younger girl, "bug, use your words." Y/n takes a shaky breath. "Yes, you can play it." She seems to pull herself even further in between Lauren's legs as if to hide in shame or fright from an invisible monster.

I take a breath to try and relax my nerves as the recording starts. Her raspy voice starts off slow.

Dinah's pov:

"I wish somebody woulda told me

If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain"

I bite my lip as I listen to the rawness in her voice. I see Y/n pull her legs in close to her, eyes transfixed to the ground.

If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change

If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away

If you want love, if you want love"

"Yeah, as a kid I used to think life

Is moving so slow, I watch it go by"

I see Y/n's jaw clench back and forth, her bottom lip and chin starting to quiver.

"Look out the window on my bus ride

I thought the world was so small, through my closed eyes

I've always tried to control things

In the end that's what controls me

Maybe that's why I'm controllin'

I wish somebody woulda told me"

I hear her breathing start to pick up a bit. The concentration in her jaw to control losing the battle.

"If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain

If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change

If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away

If you want love, if you want love"

I see a small tear grow and escape. Her melancholy brown orbs, unmoving; glued.

"The older I get, I feel like I'm always tryna save time"

She breathes in and squeaks and was done. She got up from under our protests and reached arms and fled the room. Her eyes shedding waterfalls. I go to get up after her, but Simon puts his hands up to tell us to stop.

Y/n's pov:

(WHORE) I tried to stay. I tried to be brave and strong. (FUCK UP) It hurt too much. I couldn't stop the tears.

"Talkin' to the voices in my head, they make me think twice"

I run out of the studio door, my breath barely a rasp as I try to hold back the pain. I can feel the tears dampening the neck of my shirt. (You are nothing).

Tellin' me it doesn't mean it's wrong because it feels right

I'm scared that one day I wake up and wonder where the time go

Talk about the past like it's the present while I rock slow

I make my way to the bathroom down the hall, nearly falling in the confusion of my blurry world.

I'll sit in the living room and laugh with kids of my own

I collide with the door and fall to the ground inside the bathroom. I close my eyes as the pain becomes unbearable.

"And tell 'em

If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain

I pound my fists on the ground. The pain erupting. My body cursing in hell. Billowed rasps escape my lips.

I wish you woulda told me

My breath choking me. My throat dry.

If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change

I get up. Fists chopped and raw.

I wish somebody woulda told me

I walk to the mirrors. A ghost stares back. The wails come out uncontrollably.

If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away

My chest screams and contorts. I lean forward and punch the mirror feeling pinches as shards slice through the air.

You gon' have to give

I slam down on the sink, cutting my hand on a fragment of glass. I back up feeling the wall behind me. I bring my hands to my face as another wave of pain crashes into me. I slide down the wall, head between my legs.

If you want love, if you want love

If you want love, if you want love"

I sit there on the tile floor of the bathroom. Trying to recuperate. Slowly catching my breath. My mind feels heavy and solid. Like a throbbing boulder. My eyes weighted. Limbs numb.

I see the door to the bathroom open. Light spills across the floor then disappears from my vision once more. I don't move as their her face comes into view.