Drawing Hope In Progress (5H/you)

Chapter 82

Y/n's Pov:

"I don't know." There's shuffling outside my bunk. I squeeze my eyes closed as much as possible to block out the light and sound. "She was tossing and turning all night Deej. Let her try to catch up while she can."

"I don't like the idea of her being alone."

"I don't either, but we can have someone check on her every five minutes or so." A small click of a tongue is heard.

"Fine... Laur, lets go." The fabric of the curtain brushes against my face as their footsteps make their way to the back of the bus.

I flip onto my stomach forcing my eyes to say shut though I knew by the way they kept trying to open that it was no use.

My eyes open and I am met with the folded piece of paper with the pink girl. I release a breath and push my flyaways out of my face indirectly causing the paper to fall off the pillow. I bop my head up hitting the bottom of the bunk above me while I look for where the paper went. Through my eyes wincing I find it tucked in the crease between the mattress and board.

"Did you hear that thump?" I quickly drop my head into the pillow and let my arms and hands relax, trying to keep the paper folded in my hand. "I know I heard something." The curtain brushes against the skin of my arm.

"Not sure Lauren, maybe Ry-guy just bumped something." The weight of the blankets shift from where they were slipping off my arms up and over my shoulders.

"I guess so. I'm sorry." The curtain swooshes against the blanket causing a small breeze. "I... I jus' need to relax I guess." Their footsteps walk away, I move my hand to the back of my head not feeling any swelling but there will definitely be a bruise my the count of sensitivity.

You are nothing.

I bite my inner cheek to try and stop the breakdown that's been waging itself for the perfect moment. My hands turn to fists and I feel the drawing crumple in my hand. My head leans back and mouth opens but no words come out.

You have nobody.

My lip begins to tremble. I turn on my left; my back to the curtain and my front to the wall. My hands let go. My arms feel like nothing. My head feels heavy for my neck, it seems to be pushing my pillow flatter and flatter.

You should die.

I sit up quickly hitting my head again, now causing the front and back of my head to throb. I feel my mouth open and the small threads of saliva glue my lips together no matter how far apart my mouth stretches. I take a deep breath and try to control my hands that are now shaking. The footsteps come again and my eyes shut.

The curtain rubs against my now exposed shoulder which is quickly recovered. The footsteps keep moving.

"Hey Ry, everything okay?"

"Ya Normani, the road is a little bumpy but nothing bad. We should be to that address in about an hour."

"Cool. Thanks bud." The footsteps come and go. Quieter and quieter. My eyes slip open. Each bloodshot spot spreads. My thoughts. Fuck my thoughts. I should die. I sh... I. My mouth opens again in a silent scream, my hand unconsciously moving to muffle the sound that doesn't exist. Fuck it. My hand shoots up and knuckles hit wood. Fuck it. Fuck everything.

Another thud shakes my whole body. My throat dries and eyes blur slightly.

Fuck all of this. Another thud.

Fuck me.

They stop being individual noises and turn into a mashing and smashing of vibrations. One after another. The wraps on my knuckles ripping and a few trickles of blood sneak away down my fingers and into my palms where they are sucked into more wrapping.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

"stupid stupid stupid..." both hands collide with the wood, my feet start pushing up as well.

You are nothing.

"I.. I can't.." my eyes shut from the pressure in my head. The weight tears at the skin of my neck.

You will always be nothing.

I feel my lips crack and my eyes turn back from the pain and force. The veins in my wrist tighten as my palms push above me between thuds. My feet start kicking the wall as my hands take to either side of my head, trying to control the pain. To stop the pain. Trying to press my broken pieces back together.

"There is no fuckin' way that those thuds are Ryan." The light hits my eyelids as I choke on my breath. "Fuc-"

"Y/n! Shit!" There's warm pressure on my shoulders and legs and I fight. "Y/non stop kicking, were tryin to get you out of there." My hands fall flat by my side palm up.

"Blood!"

"Fuck."

My eyes peel open slightly and I see their worried blurry faces. My mouth opens and lips move.

"Someone get the first ai-"

"On it!"

"I... I can't.." warm hands on my cheeks.

"You can't what bug? You you can..." my head knobbly shifts back and forth and my eyes begin to flutter shut.

"I can't do this anymore." The tears explode and at one my torso flings forward to my knees causing my head to hit the top again.

"That was the thud."

"I got the first aid kit."

"Ryan! How long until were there?"

"Help me get her out of the bunk."

The light fades away and their voices dance away. I feel their warm hands being pulled away and their caring eyes being forced away. My lips aren't attached to me anymore but I feel them part slightly. And my arms and legs won't move on my accord but I feel them being lifted. Hollow but heavy. The last words I remember. Heavy and hollow.

Heavy and hollow.