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When it comes to dating, I am acutely aware that I don't have the best tracking record. I have been on a hundred and seventy three first dates this year alone; that's a hundred and seventy three dates that have all left me close to nauseated at the end of the day.
But as of recently my eyes have opened up to an entirely new world where I see love in almost everything, whether it be the two birds that sit on my windowsill each morning or how I suddenly don't feel like rolling my eyes whenever I see couples with their fingers intertwined as I walk down the street.
It has come to my attention, all of the things I can possibly have missed out on by dissecting every single detail of every guy I have ever gone out with. Most of all I—
"Scotty, have you seen my pastel pumps?"
"Yeah, they're by the front door." I don't look up from my laptop screen as I talk. "Hey, what do you think about this as a start? I'm kind of stuck on what to write from here."
"What do you have?" Emma takes a seat beside me on the sofa and I pass the laptop over to her to watch her eyes scan over the words. "I like it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she nods. "This piece already has a different attitude this early into it. Victoria will love it."
"What do you need the pumps for anyway?"
"We're going out, remember?"
"I'm sorry, Ems," I pout. "I can't. I got a massive writers block and December is closing in on us."
"Just think about Calum and write about that."
"I don't know how to write about him without announcing to the world that I'm seeing someone," I clarify. "My entire brand is that I'm single."
"Then change your brand." Emma stands to walk back to her room. "We'll go out when you're done."
I roll my eyes before locking them in on my computer screen once again. My fingers hover over the keyboard, itching to compose a story.
Most of all I now realize that I have regrets. I keep imagining scenarios of what could have been something perfect—which is rare as I tend to resort to doing the opposite.
I've always thought of love as something people use to fill that hunger we can never really quench no matter how much food we stuff our faces with. Learning form my mother early on that men are unreliable I found other things that eradicated that hunger for me, so why would I need a man who won't satisfy me half as much as a cashmere sweater can?
I sigh and close my laptop, knowing I need to take a break and come back to write more later on. I send Arden a text telling her that Emma and I are getting ready to leave in an hour.
...
"Emma!" I walk into her room and find her sitting on her bed wrapped in a towel. It's the morning of Thanksgiving and we have to leave for Calum's in half an hour. "This is a disaster."
"What's wrong?"
"My shoes are ruined."
"The white strappy ones?"
"Yes," I whine throwing myself onto the mattress dramatically. "They went perfect with my dress."
"I just got a new pair of Choos." I roll over to face her. Emma tosses her phone on the bed and moves to bring a box out of her closet. "You can wear them. They don't go with my outfit anyway."
"You're an angel."
"Don't I know it," Emma grins. I unbox the shoes to inspect them. "Luke asked me to be his girlfriend."
"What?" I place the footwear back into the box and place it next to me on the bed. "What did you say?"
"I said yes."
"That's really great, Ems."
"I just feel bad because you've been going out with Calum for so long and you have such a strong connection, yet you're not official."
"I haven't thought about it."
"You've been going out for months, Scotty," she reminds me. "You said you're falling in love with him."
"I've never had a boyfriend before," I shrug. "Should he be the one asking me? I wouldn't even know what to say if I was to ask him."
"I mean I'm all for girls being able to ask, but he knows you have like zero experience with this type of thing, so in this case I think he should ask you."
"Maybe you're right," I sigh. "But he hasn't asked me. Why hasn't he asked me? Does he not want to?"
"Oh, Skittle. He'd be an idiot not to."
"Why do I do this to myself?" I groan. "I am such a self destructive person."
"Stop that," Emma scolds as she walks over to drop her towel to put on underwear. "You know he's crazy about you so you shouldn't be beating yourself up."
"What if I never stop being like this?" Emma moves over to her closet and pulls out an orange silk dress. "What if I can never really let myself love Calum?"
"Just talk to him." Emma steps into the dress and pulls it up her body. "Zip."
I hop off the bed and go to zip her dress up. "You look great."
"Thanks. I like your dress, the frills are a nice touch."
"They are, aren't they?" I smile. I take a seat on the bed again and start to wrap the heels onto my feet. "Should I do hair up or down?"
"Up I think." I walk to take a seat at Emma's vanity holding my hair up to test the look out. "Yeah, definitely up."
...
OK but where the fUCK IS Woke Up In Japan on Cocktail Chats??
