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DEPRESSION The next step is depression, and it's the most heart shattering stage of them all, but it's also the most comfortable. We're talking moping around in your bed eating ice cream and watching John Tucker Must Die on repeat.
But what do I do when the depression gets too much? I make it worse by agitating it.
Luke opens the apartment door and he lets me inside. I know Calum isn't at home because I texted Ashton and he said he's at work right now. "Calum isn't home."
"I know," I say. "I just came over to leave some of his things."
"Knock yourself out." He rolls his eyes but nonetheless he leaves me to go in his own room. I set the box filled with Calum's things onto his dresser.
I take a seat on Calum's mattress and look around the room with a heavy sigh. I spot a small paper package peeking out from behind the potted plant on his nightstand and I understand it's another pack of cigarettes, just like the ones Calum said Michael smokes.
Calum's P.O.V
When I step into the apartment it's quiet and it's just what I like after a crazy shift at the restaurant. Though lately I've picked up more and more shifts in hopes of distracting me from the fact that Scotty wants nothing to do with me.
The moment I kissed her on New Years I felt as if everything might be going back to normal but when the door slammed in my face it was back to sulking for me. I think I might just give her the time she says she needs and I'll see if she comes around but I'm not giving up on her yet.
Luke steps out of his room when I walk by his door and he stops me from moving closer to my own room, leaving me confused. "Maybe you shouldn't go in there."
"Why?" I ask. "Dude, did you drop my cologne so it broke all over my rug again?"
"It's not that..." I raise my brows at him. "Scotty is kind of in there."
"What?" He said the last thing I'd expected him to say. "Why is she here?"
I start heading down the hallway to reach my room and I push the door open lightly to peek my head in. There she is, curled up on my bed fast asleep.
"She came to drop your things off."
"Oh."
"Don't mess up things any more than they already are," Luke tells me before walking off. I step inside the room and I close the door behind me carefully. I contemplate getting in bed with her, just wrap my arms around her and never let go, but I'm guessing that won't get me too far with her right now. Besides, she hates when I cuddle up to her smelling of cooking oil.
Instead I hunch down at the side of the bed and brush some of her hair out of her face and let my hand rest by her cheek. Her eyes flutter open ever so slowly as my thumb runs over her skin and I am met with her deep brown irises staring me down. "Hey, Scotty."
"I'm sorry," she mutters tiredly as she pushes herself to sit up. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"Don't worry about it." I stand. "You know you can come over anytime."
"I should go." She tells me the three words I feared she would. "I left a box on your dresser."
"Scotty, why are you really here?"
"What was real?" Can't she tell that I'm broken without her? "What part of you was real? Because I'm going insane wondering what things you did differently."
"We were real, Scotty."
"Michael doesn't even smoke, does he?"
I blink back at her, and then I notice the pack of cigarettes on my beside table. "No. He doesn't smoke."
"Do you like cilantro?"
"Yes."
"Nice to see you at least can be honest about your herbal preferences."
"Scotty, can't you see that I want you? Why does it matter the reason I asked you out? The point is I want you and I love you so much."
"Can't you see that you did a fucked up thing?" she retorts. "The point is that you lied to me and you really hurt me. You know how hard I have it to really open up to guys and when I finally let myself do that with you, you went and tore my heart into pieces."
"Do you not believe me when I say that I love you?"
"How can you love someone if you lie to them like you did?"
"I lied to you because I love you."
"I know I've never been in love before this, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to break the heart of someone you love."
"God, Scotty!" I exasperate. "Why are you being so difficult?"
"Because I don't want to just roll over and let you treat me like shit the way my mom would've."
"Would you for one second stop projecting your mother's pent up shit onto me and just be you for once? What do you want, Scotty?"
"I want to forget that you lied to me for months and made me feel humiliated, Calum!" She raises her voice and tears well up in her eyes. "I want to forget all about it and just kiss you, and hold you, and tell you that I love you too. But I can't do that because that's not how it works."
"Please don't cry, Scotty," I say quietly as I step closer to her. She surprisingly doesn't pull away when I wrap my arms around her. Instead she wraps her own arms around my waist and leans her cheek against my chest and I can feel her sobs.
