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ACCEPTANCE The final stage. I don't know if I'm there yet, but I feel like I at least have a foot in the door.
I've grieved before. My parents' divorce was as tumultuous as it gets and I had a hard time coping with the fact that my family was going to be split up. It got easier when I allowed myself to accept that we hadn't really been a family in a long time, and it was then that I could move on.
I guess this can be applied to most things in life, because I've once again gotten out of my depression slump and I'm counting on being able to move on.
"Are you sure you want to keep doing this?"
"Yes," I confirm.
"I think you're just torturing yourself,"
"Emma, I'm already here. I've been here for half an hour with the guy already and so far so good."
"But he's not Calum."
"He's not," I sigh. "But this is me trying to accept where I am and I guess trying to see someone else might just do that. Besides, I've already been on three other dates this week and they weren't too awful."
"That's only because you learned to stick out with a guy when you were with Calum," she tells me through the phone. "You're trying to find him in other men."
"I am not," I huff. "I have to get back out there, but call again in an hour just in case things go south."
"Your wish is my command."
After hanging up the call I take a deep breath before walking back out in the restaurant where Milo is waiting for me. He's gorgeous, well read, polite, funny, and he uses correct punctuation when texting. He's what I need.
"Sorry, my roommate had some trouble."
"That's all right." You're trying to find him in other men. "Our food should be out soon."
"So you've eaten here before?"
"Yeah, I used to work here when I was in college."
"Oh, that's cool." You're just torturing yourself. "I guess that makes sense because of how comfortable you were with the server."
"That's my roommate."
"All right, I can't do this."
"What—did I do something wrong?"
"No, you're perfect," I tell him. "You just remind me of someone I'm trying to move on from right now."
"Are you sure you're not just fishing for things? I'm really enjoying your company." I study him, and the more I look at him the more I see the physical resemblance between him and Calum as well. Maybe Emma was right.
"No," I shake my head. "You're definitely just like him."
"I'm sure it's not that bad."
"He works in a restaurant with his roommate," I say and his eyebrows shoot up for a second. "And you kind of look like him now that I really think about it."
"Oh."
"Yeah," I sigh as I lean back in my seat. "I should go."
"We already ordered."
"Is the food good?"
"Award winning."
"I guess a half an hour wouldn't hurt."
...
I am sitting at home finishing up the last online article when my phone goes off. I pull my eyes off the computer screen and set my plate holding a half eaten PopTart down beside me on the sofa.
From: Calum Hood Did you really go on a date?
My stomach drops at the words and even though I know I did nothing wrong I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt come over me.
"Emma!" I scramble off the couch, pillows falling to the floor as I do and I almost fall as well. I trudge into Emma's room with my phone in hand and she looks at me from behind her laptop screen when I enter to see her in bed. "Why did Calum just text me asking about my date last night? How does he know?"
"Maybe there's like some kind of a restaurant inside buddy system and all the restaurant people know each other and Calum maybe knew the guy?" I send her a fed up look. "All right, it's my fault! It may have slipped into the conversation when I was talking to Luke the other day and I guess he told Calum."
"I can not believe you!"
"Why are you so mad?" she asks. "So what, you when on a date. It's not a big dirty secret."
"But I don't want him to know. I'm trying to move on."
"Isn't him knowing you're really moving on kind of a key part of you moving on? He's just gonna keep trying if he doesn't know you're really out for good."
"Uhu."
"Because you are out for good, right?" I bite my lip. "Otherwise you need to decide because sure he's in love with you and would do anything for you right now, but he won't be waiting around for you forever, Scotty. You have to decide."
"I know," I sigh and I take a seat on her bed. "It's just really hard."
"I know." We sit in silence for a moment. "Why don't you invite Milo to go with you to the wedding?"
"You really think I should do that?"
"Do it and see how it goes and then once the whole wedding stress is over you can finally decide if you're good to settle with a Calum knockoff or if you feel like you can come around and forgive the full priced designer custom made Calum Hood whom you fell in love with in the first place."
"I guess you're right."
"I'm always right, Scotty."
...
Sorry for the late update I've been working a lot
Also I'm a mess I went out clubbing and stuff and I opened up at work the next morning so I basically got an hour of sleep and was still a bit UI at work and now I'm super tired even though it's like two days later anyway I'm a lightweight what's new hope you enjoyed the chapter it was kind of an filler
