Oblivious // Reader x Kim Namjoon

11) Insecure

You were lost in the stars, so utterly lost in the sound of his voice, that you hadn't even realized how much time had passed.  It didn't matter though.  You liked being with him and wanted it to last as long as it possibly could.  

"Sorry that I rambled on like that," Namjoon laughed nervously. "Sometimes I have a thought and I just get carried away with it."

You smiled. You were the same way.

The more Namjoon talked to you, the better you felt. Being around him felt... easy. You wouldn't have expected yourself to feel this way but there was something so genuinely comforting about his presence.

"Don't worry about it. I do the same thing—it usually plays out in my head, though."

"Well, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one," he laughed a bit again. You could see him out of the corner of your eye. He lifted his hands and joined them together on his chest, fingers entwined together. "Are you feeling any better?" He turned his head toward you as if your answer to this question would be worth hearing.

"Yeah...Thank you." You turned your head to him and you couldn't help but smile when your eyes met his. He smiled but quickly turned his head back up to the stars.

"That's good. No need to thank me though."

"Of course, I need to thank you!" you argued.

"Why's that? I did what any person would do."

"You're not doing what any person would do. You're doing far better than the average person. Most would look away. Most wouldn't even bother."

"Uh, well—you're welcome then. I'm glad you're feeling better," he stammered, a little taken aback by your response.  A silence fell as you stared blankly up at the stars as they spun in the sky. 

You were breathing easier. You were feeling better. 

It was all thanks to him. You wondered what shit you would have to pull to be able to keep him around.

"I, uh—I hate to ask, but what was that all about? You don't have to say anything if you don't want to—obviously—but I'm here to listen if you need to vent."

You turned your head to see him looking at you with those eyes full of worry. You shot him a quick smile before turning your head back to the stars. 

Why did he have to care? Why did he have to be so good in every way? Why did he have to make everything so much more difficult but simultaneously so much easier for you? Why did he make you feel the way you did? So helpless, so out of control, so intrigued. He had a power over you that not even you, the scholastically-drugged language major. 

How was it that his mere presence made you want to open yourself up—literally unhatch your chest so he could look inside your heart. You never wanted to feel so vulnerable before.

"I... I haven't had the best history at parties. I don't normally go," you admitted.

"Why's that," he asked as if it wasn't overtly obvious.

"Well... I don't really have the best social skills. And... the anxiety doesn't help. Plus, I ran into someone and it just... brought back some old memories—that's all." You struggled to find the words that would explain the situation, but not give too much information away.  He couldn't know about your history with Jin, especially if he was his friend. 

"That's okay. I'm pretty sure everyone has their baggage. Parties aren't easy for all of us. They sure aren't for me either."

"How so?"