p r e t e n d | Joji

t h i r t y - f i v e

"searching where the leaves don't fall. where the land is widow. fall to the ground."

hey joji,

one thing i admire most about you is your faith in your own strength.

you always believed you could use your strength to fix anything you wanted.

but that day, when you lost our babies, the one thing you couldn't fix was yourself.

you fell on your knees as the doctors explained how the babies died.

you held our babies in your arms and ran to every single doctor you saw.

you screamed for help, urging the doctors to save them.

and although the doctors told you it would be useless to operate on me, you begged and begged until they eventually did.

after a few hours the doctors came out and told you that the life support machine was the only thing keeping me alive.

they asked you to let me go.

you begged them to keep me alive.

at that moment, you started our little game of pretend again,

but joji, this time, you were the only player.