!before we start! this chapter is pretty much going to be really boring since i'm just gonna explain stuff so i apologize in advance for the boringness. these are also my interpetation of the story so if you have any other interpretations, then feel free to stick to yours because it's most likely better anyway. also, i have added a song that, in my opinion, fits with the whole vibe of the story. listen to it and enjoy! ps. it honestly isn't that deep lol
this is how i imagine haru looks like. //from my experience of reading fics, i know each person imagines certain characters differently which is why i didn't put her picture at the start of the story//
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1. about p r e t e n d
i started this story to express my point of view on a relationship that was based on lies. i strongly believe that honesty is a really important base on a strong relationship so when a relationship consists of two people who aren't sure about each other's honest feelings, the relationship will ultimately fail. this is the reason why the intended ending was as seen, since both haru and joji love each other but they were never really sure about the depth of feelings they had for each other which causes destruction in the end.
2. the story's point of view
this story was mostly written from haru's point of view. haru is almost like a spirit looking back to the start of the end of her life. this is why the chapters are short at the start because her memories were unclear. haru only described her fights with her friend at the start of the story briefly since she is so focused on the main plot line which is her relationship with joji. haru died not knowing many things behind the conflict and her confusion is shown all throughout the book. this is why i decided to include some of joji's point of view to explain the reasonings behind certain conflicts.
3.about h a r u
in this story, haru is the human embodiment of her relationship with joji. she is almost stuck in the game of pretend- a game of ideals. this is why whenever she gets in touch with reality, she collapses.
this can be seen in chapter "e i g h t e e n " where haru got shot by her ex boyfriend. haru's relationship with her ex was real, but it wasn't ideal which is why she couldn't get over joji. it was almost like symbolism when him and joji clashed in chapter "e i g h t e e n" since it was like a clash between ideals (pretend) and reality. haru chose to protect her game of pretend and therefore, gets shot by her ex boyfriend or reality.
the babies, brian and kiko represent haru's ideal life: a perfect family with joji. through out the last few chapters, haru's aneurysm was almost like a time bomb of her game of pretend ending and although she did want to get over joji and be with brian (rich brian), it was too late because she was already too attached to pretending, which can be seen through her pregnancy with joji.
a/n that was probably too long! sorry :)
4. about j o j i
i feel like a lot of people may be confused on why joji decided not to tell haru about his parent's accident. yes, in this story, he is a bit of a jerk, but it is also because he was unsure about whether he loves haru or was just staying because he needs to and whether or not they were still pretending. when he knew about his parents' situation, he didn't know whether or not he should even continue to be in an uncertain relationship when there was such a huge conflict ahead of him.
author's notes this chapter was the longest chapter in this story. thank you so much for reading this far! if you have any questions, feel free to ask them. please stay tuned for the alternate ending.
