Painting Life

F o u r t e e n

This chapter is rather impulsive and weirdly paced but remember, this is only the first draft. I will change / edit the chapter someday after I finish the book, Insha Allah. Remember me in your prayers :) Happy Reading!

~Rida <3

<< When you came, I wanted you to piss off. Ironic, isn't it? Now, I can't even imagine a life without you >>

Fourteen | Ashes On The Ground

D a n i y a:

There were moments in life where you almost stopped breathing because the day didn't go according to plan. I remembered one of those not-so-precious moments when Emma Westerfield told me that I was nothing but a stony soul that would be better off in the mental asylum.

But that memory wasn't as painful as the present was. When I heard Haris's name being called, I felt like I had been slapped in the face by karma. 

He would be leaving soon to accomplish his dream, while I'd sit at home without him, stuck in the past, of bullies and harsh words; of his jokes and laughter. 

I was too afraid to even imagine my life with out him. So much so, that my body couldn't even function properly and I failed to congratulate him on winning, simply because I didn't mean it. 

I admit, I was being incredibly selfish seeing that winning had been Haris's biggest dream, but I needed him. I didn't know when I had started needing him but I had and somewhere along the line, I had fallen in love. 

But it was impossible not to. Haris Bin Hashim was a big bundle of love, laughter and talent. Who didn't want that? 

Every one did. And that was why I knew I didn't stand a chance, no matter how much I held on to the thin thread of hope. There were just too many girls to choose from. 

But the thread had already been torn apart by Haris's scholarship. And I was falling and falling, wondering when I would finally hit the cold, hard ground with a huge thud. 

I swallowed back my tears. I wasn't going to cry over him even though he was worth it - and more. 

I still remembered the promise I had made to myself. I needed to stop caring. 

Because, in the end, there was no one to return that care for you. No one would really care if you'd jump off a cliff and die because that's just how life is. 

Some one knocked at my door and I mumbled Come in, expecting to see Daddy coming to see if I was alright. He hardly did now, though. It was as if he had forgotten that I was supposed to be his baby girl - that I was still there, hiding behind the sheets, waiting for him to come check on me. 

Maybe he just realized that I wasn't the person who he thought I was. I wasn't funny, popular or nice. 

One thing was for sure. Time had changed everything. 

Haris came in, switching on the light. Without my permission, he sat on a lone chair pulling it closer to my bed. 

I scowled at him, "What do you want?" 

I covered myself with the sheets for the sake of modesty, and wrapped my arms around my knees as I half-glared at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. 

He did that every. Single. Time. 

He was rubbing salt on my wounds and he didn't even realize it. It would have been so much better if he wasn't so nice. So much easier to forget what I felt. 

But then, maybe, his genuine kindness was the reason I loved him. Maybe, if that went away, I'd feel nothing for him. 

I nodded, swallowing the lump. 

"I don't think so," He said firmly. "You didn't even congratulate me. Or even look at me. That's pretty messed up if you ask me." 

I remained silent. But there was this nagging feeling, forcing me to confess how I felt. I was impulsive but I wondered if I could do it; ruin our relationship by my confession. 

But the words were already there, forming in my throat. I needed to let them out before the suffocated me and I ended up like those girls who killed them selves off because being in love was a torture that they weren't ready to face.

Dim daylight tore through my windows and I realized the sun had already risen. 

I glanced at Haris. He was looking at the birds like he always did when he was sad. My hands were sweating and I wiped them against my jeans. Confessing had never been my strong suit. 

"You know why I am afraid?" I asked softly, my heart throbbing against my chest, almost as if it were coming out; exposing itself to Haris and allowing him to bruise it.

He stared at me. "Afraid?" 

"I am afraid because I am in love." I said, my voice still lower than usual. 

He looked taken aback. "Daniya,-" 

"I am afraid," I cut him off, speaking a little louder. "Because I know I wouldn't mind if you snatched my heart and cradled it in your arms because I know it'd be in safe hands."

I stared at him unnervingly but he was avoiding my eyes and I already knew what his answer was going to be. He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him,

"Don't. I understand." 

Looking a little concerned, he nodded and walked away from my room in a daze. As soon as he was out, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I cried.

I had fallen, finally, with a huge thud.