Painting Life

S e v e n t e e n

I cried. That's all you need to know. Sorry if it make you cry too.

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Seventeen | The Pain In Her Eyes Broke Me

H a r i s: 

I was shaken when I went to bed the night after Uncle Suleiman announced the bad news. I almost cried for Daniya when I heard it because I hated that she had to be rejected, again and again. One bomb after the another, she was tearing apart. 

I couldn't sleep. Not with Daniya's sobs echoing in the whole house. Uncle Suleiman had managed to bring her back in at home but that didn't mean that she was okay. I had never heard anyone cry like that; a long wail, a plea to God.

It was as if she had bottle up all the pain inside and it had blown up, unable to rest in there anymore. And I felt guilty, more than anything, because I had been terrible to her. My friends had hurt her, I knew. Verbally, of course.

I hadn't stood up to them for her. I was a coward and afraid of being alone like she was.

And I hated myself so much that I wanted to destroy myself too. She had faced so much and all I had done was reject her when she said she loved me. I shouldn't have done it. 

I quickly snuck out of the room and peeked in to the living room where she was sitting in her father's lap, crying and crying and it broke my heart so much that I let out a tear or two, myself. 

Without Uncle Suleiman's permission, I sat next to them, my head aching because her cries were making me want to die. God. 

Help her, please. Let her be okay. 

Please. 

When Uncle Suleiman left to get some water, I took her hand and intertwined our fingers together. She looked at me and I was immediately reminded of the naive girl, she was back then, how blissfully ignorant she was to the pains of life. 

"Why are you crying too?" She whispered.

"Because you are crying," I said shakily. "But it's okay. It's okay to cry. Don't bottle it in, okay? It will just destroy you in the end." 

"Who says I ain't already destroyed?" 

And then I did the worst possible thing at the worse possible time. I walked away like a coward because the pain in her eyes was breaking me and I didn't want to be hurt anymore.

:::

"Omar?" I gasped in to the phone. 

"You are crying? What the hell, happened? Did they kick you out because you refused their daughter?" Omar asked frantically.

I almost laughed but the lump in my throat didn't allow me, "No. Something worse." 

And then I told him every single thing that had happened and how I had walked away to like a coward and how bad I felt because I couldn't be her rock and how guilty I felt because I had never done anything to help her. 

"You are a bastard," Omar replied decidedly. 

"I know." 

"And you love her." He said bluntly.

"What?" 

"Man, you are crying for her. Who cries for a girl they don't love?" 

"You didn't her her cry, Omar. She sounded so lonely and I was terrified and as selfish as it sounds, I was terrified of becoming like her." 

"Listen, Haris. Calm down, okay? You are a human. You are afraid of breaking in to little pieces. It's fine. You'll make mistakes. Everyone does." 

"But what about Daniya?" I asked desperately. "What if she goes in to permanent depression or worse, kills herself?" 

"Don't overthink. When the time comes, you need to jump in and help her, okay? But right now, I am not really sure she would want to see your face. It'd remind her of all her failures." 

"She isn't a failure," I said firmly. 

"I am not saying she is. She just thinks she is. You need to give her some time, okay? And you need to stop crying. It's completely sappy. Dramatic, too." 

I let out a strangled laugh, "I love you."

"So when's the date?" He replied seriously.

"Tomorrow." I let a small smile touch my lips. 

I let my myself believe that things were going to be okay. I let myself believe what Omar was saying. One day of useless fantasizing wouldn't hurt, would it?