i'm so extra, 'death penalty' , girl, calm the hell down.
notice how i spelled 'socialising'.
that says a lot about myself.
it's several hours later, i've recovered from my rage attack earlier, i'm good -no one asked-.
socialising then, well, what can i say about socialising? i don't do it, i don't wish to do it, i'd much rather stay in my room with my anime and my chocolate, thank you very much.
speaking of chocolate, it's also been a day or so since ItsOnlyZane 's shoutout and i still haven't received any chocolate, i'm getting pIssed.
to get back on the subject, i am one of those people that get exhausted by being outside, around people -i legitimately got goosebumps while writing this part-. i can stay at home, study for 6 hours or more, which is something i do on a regular basis anyway, and i won't be as tired as i would be if i stayed outside for half an hour. it's insane the amount of time i've spent being alone and the most insane of all is that it doesn't bother me, however, it bothers everyone around me. people tell me i should go out more because it's good for me and, pay attention now, number 1, i know best what's good for me and number 2, you've known me for enough years to understand that it's emotionally draining for me to get ready, go outside, stay outside and then come back.
i don't talk much, when i'm with a group of people and i've been called out for it many times. if i have something to say on the subject y'all are having a wonderful conversation on, i will. if the talk doesn't interest me, i'll stay silent. period.
i've also spent my whole life among books, that didn't stop me from having friends and stuff but i never reached out to someone and said 'hey, wanna be friends?'.
and i've also noticed, all the friendships which started that way, ended at some point. that's exactly why i said i have one friend, we just started hanging out, going to classes together for way too many years, we just matched and i think it's wonderful and a true blessing to have someone like that person in my life. we didn't even realise we spent that much time together until people started telling us.
with all this studying however, we just talk through the phone now, but whatever.
socialising drives me to make awful decisions. remember that party i told you about? i was so done with people that day, i got drunk. i was once on my way to my house and some kids were also going home and they started talking and we walked home together and the moment i set foot in my room, i took 3 deep breaths to calm down because i haven't talked to someone for that extended period of time in weeks. AND THERE WERE TWO OF THEM, great guys BUT NONETHELESS, THEY TALKED.
as i mentioned before, i Amy -amy? who the fuck is amy?- I MAY have spent my whole life among books but i was also part of a swimming team, they hated me. the team started forming from me and then my coach started searching for other people, i was great, i'm not gonna lie to you -that's probably why they did hate me?- and no matter how much they avoided me outside of the pool and the gym, i always cheered them up and supported them.
YO BOY GOT NO TIME FOR HATE.
at last, i ended up drowning in schoolwork, just as everyone else, so now i have a solid excuse for not going out. haha lit.
okay, last story, i just remembered. i, once upon a time, was going to the gym for about four months and it was horrible. end of story. all the people, all the looks, fucking disgusting. absolutely would not try again.
well, that was long -haha, that's what she said-.
is everyone ready for the eclipse tonight? i'm ready to wake up at the booty crack of dawn, i have two plans; one contains me, a circle of salt and some holy water, trying to contact spirits and the other one is me, on my balcony, meditating while the eclipse is happening in order to clear my mind a little bit. cough cough, i'm leaning towards the first one, cough cough.
if a demon abducts me or possesses me, i want you all to hack my spotify and preserve that shit.
