Falling apart

16~ Oh hell (N)ah

Afterwards I went back to my apartment, Sooyun was sitting on the couch texting somebody.

He looked at me angrily "what took you so long?"

"Nothing" I sighed kind of tired of everything "we need to talk"

I had to use THE breakup sentence, I really didn't know what else to say. I was a little unsecured about it. I really liked Yoongi but Sooyun? How could I do this to him without hurting him? I didn't want to hurt him.

I sat down next to him on the couch.

"About what?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"About us, Sooyun I-" I paused really thinking about what to say and how to say it "I think we should take a break from each other, since you have a lot to deal with and can't even text me back well that's fine you know, but sometimes I need to be with my boyfriend, and talk to him, take long walks with him, have deep convos together"

When I said that I was totally thinking about Yoongi. I spent time with him, talked to him a lot on the phone even though he was busy, took a walk at 3 in the morning with him and we had deep convos most of the time, especially late at night.

But then I could really see the anger in Sooyun's gaze. He was pissed.

"And what if I don't wanna take a break from you?"

"You were never here for me bro what the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled at him.

"It's not because I don't want to! It's simply because I can't" he yelled back.

"Why can't you then?" I said trying to calm myself down so I walked to the kitchen.

"That is none of your business" he said following me.

"See! This is exactly why I hate you right now! We are a fucking couple, we are supposed to be together in hard times and the fact that you won't tell me anything hurts me, you're being a bitch to me right now!" I shouted getting back to the living room "and even though I know I still care about you, I don't wanna suffer because of you anymore! I keep asking myself what the fuck is wrong with me, why am I not important enough for you to text me back? But the problem comes from you, you're the wrong in me!"

Afterwards he slapped me, I was taken aback from the sudden movement. So I tried to punch him as hard as I could but my whole self turned off. I didn't even feel the tears running down my cheeks nor the pain in my heart and how scared I was.

But the anger in me jumped out, I yelled at him not to touch me anymore but he'd just slap me over and over again. I really wasn't going to let a man hit me like if it was nothing.

I was shaking so much from anger and scariness.

Then he grabbed my arms so hard that I couldn't feel them anymore, he was literally carrying me, my legs weren't touching the ground. But then I kicked his balls with my foot so he would let me go.

After he dropped me on the floor I hurried to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I owned.

"Okay, Sooyun get the fuck out of my apartment!" I yelled wiping my tears away "This went way too far"
He had so much anger in his eyes that it scared me.

"You're no shit" he said "just wait, I'mma come back and you really won't expect what's gonna happen here. Stay with your mother fucker and have fun with him while you still can bitch."

Then he opened the door and left, I sighed in relief. I let the knife fall on the counter and sat on the floor. I couldn't believe what just happened. He fucking hit me, he laid his hands on me. I wanted it to be a nightmare and wake up already but it really wasn't, it happened. For real.

It was like my soul left my body, I felt empty, emotionless, and weak as I went to the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror.

I had bruises on my arms, my uder eye was blue-ish purple, and my noise was bloody. I got in the shower to wash off his touch and the dirt he left on me.

It amazed me how easily it was for him to hit me, like if he was used to it.

I felt tired, not only physically but also mentally. I didn't know if it was because of my anemia or of everything. Or maybe even because of both.

I changed the code of my door before going to sleep so he wouldn't be able to open it anymore. I was scared of him. Of what he could do to me.

Seeing what he did this night meant he could start over again and it could be worse.

After all, the thing that was between us broke, all the love and care I had for him faded away in a matter of seconds.

All I wanted was Yoongi by my side. I wanted to cuddle with him, he made me feel good and secured. That's all I needed.

My last thought before falling asleep was imagining Yoongi being by my side, petting my hair and telling me everything would be okay.