Joey Graceffa

Getting better

Katie's P.O.V

Surprisingly, I'm actually not mad at Joey today. Okay, that sounds ridiculous, I guess what I'm trying to say is that usually, it would annoy me when he wants to leave. It just feels as though he's trying to ignore me. I know that he isn't, but there's always that little voice in the back of my head saying that he hates me, that he wants to leave me; deep down I know that's not true, but I always believe that stupid little voice. Another big step for me was not lying to him. I actually am genuinely happy that he's going to see Luke. I was listening in on a conversation between two of the moms at Emily's daycare, and it got me thinking about the way I act. They were talking about how they tell their husbands that everything is okay even when it's not as a form of test to see how well their husbands know them. The conversation left me with a gross feeling, and I realised I'd been doing that subconsciously to Joey.

I want to change, for the better. I've spent the last couple hours realising things (shout out to Kylie Jenner), and I'm really not setting a good example for my daughter. I can only imagine what having a childish mother must be doing to her. I'm going to try my best to be as honest and open with Joey, and hopefully, he will notice, and it'll prompt him to do the same with me.

I walk over to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and Joey follows me in.

"Okay, cool. I was thinking of dropping by Luke's around 3 pm," he says, "is that alright?"

"Yeah, of course, it is." And with that statement a saw a wave of confusion wash over his face quickly followed by a smile filled with pure happiness.

"I was just checking in case you had made plans for us or something." He asked. At this point, I could tell that he was utterly shocked by my willingness to let him leave, and honestly, that made me a little sad. My own boyfriend has that little trust in what I'm saying. Just as I am about to point out that he refuses to believe me I bite my tongue. I realised that the reason he is so unsure is that I've been testing him all this time. How can be sure I'm being genuine when for the past couple months I've been holding my true feelings inside and then get mad at him for not reading my mind.

I take a deep breath and respond.

"No. No plans. You should go see Luke before he leaves as Meghan and Jimmy did," he squints his eyes and shoots a questioning look at me, "Go! Really, have some fun with your best friend!" And with that, I could tell from the look on his face that he genuinely believed me. He quickly leaps towards me and pulls me into a hug.

"Alright, well I'll go see Luke then." He says.

"Good, but until then, can we just sit with Emily and watch whatever stupid movie I put on for her?" I ask, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible; even if it is just sitting in silence with our daughter.

"Of course we can."

Joey joins Emily in front of the television, and I finish making my coffee. Once I have brewed the perfect pick-me-up, I lazily shuffle over and join Joey and Emily on the couch. At that moment I finally felt a sense of pure happiness. Something I haven't felt since I first met Joey.

I feel like the real me is finally coming back, and I can feel the sad me slowly starting to drift away. I have a long ways to go, but with Joey by my side, I believe I can do it.

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Okay, much shorter chapter than the last one, and also uploaded like an hour later, I guess I just got excited and I'm in the mood to write at the moment.

IMPORTANT NOTE:
I in no way support Luke Conard after the allegations towards him came out back in 2014 (I think). I'm just using his name really, and absolutely do not condone what he was accused of. Just wanted to make that clear in case anyone was wondering.

- Kaitie