Bittersweet

• Grandfather

My grandfather used to say something every time I came home.

I know it would make me mad because it was something that made me feel like a kid even though I was 16.

Because at 16 I felt like an adult even though I didn't know how to use the washing machine.

But I don't remember what.

And every time I ask him he just stares and blinks and maybe I'm the one with Alzheimer.

Maybe he does remember but the sickness inside of him won't let him talk out loud and that's better than just forgetting like I did.

I try to remember you know,

while I'm in the shower or when I'm driving but all I can think about is the way he used to stretch his arms and say it.

But what?

He used to wrap his arms around me and now he can't hold any of my fingers and I'm still the one who forgot it.

Am I insane?

He used to be the strongest man alive and now I hear people address him the "patient number 57". He used to hold a gun in his hands and now he holds a needle and I'm still the one who is sick.

I can't let him go,

not until I remember.