Homestuck Oneshots

||SadStuck|| DirkJake- In My Blood

||TW: (implied Drugs) and Alcohol abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt||

"Maybe we could.. take a break?"

"OK."

OK. OK. OK. That one word. That single word kept replaying through Dirk's mind. Every waking second, he'd hear himself. Making the biggest mistake of his life.

Over and over and over.

Pounding.

Screeching.

Eating away at him.

He didn't want to. He kept telling himself to not go there. He hated every second of his life after it. After the "break". He knew he'd never get Jake back. But he didn't want to use ways to deal with the pain.

He couldn't.

And that's what he told himself. Day after day. He kept himself fighting. For himself. He knew it was selfish, but it was better than the alternative.

Until the new year.

It was a party. Just something simple that Roxy had put together for the Alphas to celebrate a successful year.

And, naturally, there were drinks.

One couldn't hurt, Dirk thought. And so he drank one. And then a few more. Until he couldn't even remember his own name. To him, it was pure bliss. Heaven, almost.

It became a habit,  an obsession, and an escape for Dirk to drink more on a daily basis than Roxy did in a week.

And the cycle continued for six whole months. Day after day, Dirk drunk himself stupid and went about his day. He nearly purged every drink that didn't have some alcoholic properties.

Jane started to worry more and more about Dirk, and one day just decided to go over to his house. She didn't make it through the front door without tripping over bottles of liquor. Eventually she did find Dirk, passed out on the couch, almost empty bottle in hand. Jane spent the rest of the day clearing out all the bottles- old and new- from Dirk's house, and cleaning it all for good measure.

But even that didn't work. Even with Jane basically acting as Dirk's mother, he'd still find ways to get his "fix", eventually turning to shooting things up his arm to produce the same bliss the liquor gave.

Jane found out about this too, and then turned to forcing Dirk to live in her house to keep an eye on him. She truly wanted Dirk to get better, but it was impossible to fix that broken shell of a human being.

Then it tipped. Without the bliss of the drugs or alcohol, Dirk fell even deeper in to depression and cut. Every day. For months. Maybe once a day. Maybe twice. Whatever it was, he did it. The physical pain distracted him from the mental pain most of the time, but it still wasn't enough. So Dirk started planning.

It was easy for him to act; he was a Heart player after all. And heroes of Heart are known to put on a fantastic act to get what they want. And that is exactly what Dirk did.

"Dirk, you've been acting different for a while, are you OK?"

"Ya, actually. I'm a lot better than before. I gotta thank you, Jane. You've really helped."

He didn't truly mean any of it, but if it fooled little miss Detective Gumshoe, it was good enough for him.

Eventually, Jane got enough courage to leave Dirk alone for a little bit. And a little bit was enough for him.

But as he kicked the chair out from under him, a huge wave of guilt hit him like a truck.

No, I shouldn't be doing this. Jane helped me so much, I can't do this to myself-

And then they stopped as everything went black.

===+++===

There really wasn't much DirkJake in this...

Oops.

But anyway, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who's voted on my story. Not only does it make my day to see that there are still Homestucks out there, it also tells me that I'm doing something right (I think).

But I have a question. Would you guys rather have more fluff or more angst? I want to know where I should steer my book.

Just let me know right here!!

Thank you!!

-Erin