This Is How I Disappear (Negan/OFC)

Chapter 11

——— Negan's POV ———

I wake up a little later than I usually fuckin' do. Probably because it was late as fuck when I went to bed with Chuck last night. After we made up from our fuckin' fight the day before. I would've liked to have made up fuckin' properly, by fucking, but Chuck didn't want to.

I quietly get out of bed to get dressed, trying not to fuckin' wake her up. I trim my fuckin' long ass beard, take a shower, brush my teeth, and come back out to my room to put my clothes on. Chuck is just starting to wake up as I finish, so I kiss her forehead and tell her I'd see her fuckin' later. She gives me a sleepy smile and I leave.

I walk down the hall and pause to think about which wife I want to fuck. Since Chuck has been spending the nights with me, I started to utilize the wives in the mornings. Except, of course, when Chuck got hurt. My dick was fucking uncooperative as shit for a while until she got better.

Now, hopefully -if she lets me- I can fuck Chuck at night and one of the wives in the morning. And I'm fucking excited at the prospect. I'm in the mood to get my dick sucked, so I go to Amber's door and knock my familiar knock, but she tells me to fuck off. Not in those words, obviously, but I get the hint. Tonya is my next fucking choice and she obliges.

I clean myself up afterward and go to the kitchen pantry to go over the fuckin' inventory sheets. See if we're running low on anything fuckin' necessary. My next stop is the garage. I talk to my men there and they say all the trucks are in good fucking order so I leave to bum around The Sanctuary for a while, making appearances. I walk past the infirmary and see Chuck reading a book and making notes in a notepad. Instantly, I think of the diary Simon had found in Chuck's room a few weeks ago. I fuckin' forgot about it until right now. I know she won't go back to her room for several more hours and the temptation to get a glimpse into that mind of hers is definitely too good to pass up.

I go into her room and straight to her fucking dresser. I dig around in her underwear drawer, pausing as I feel something smooth. I pull it out and it's a fucking iPhone. Why the fuck is Chuck keeping this shit? It's not gonna fuckin' work with no cell service or internet. I try to turn it on but the fucking thing is locked, so I put it back and rummage around some more until I find what I'm looking for. Sitting on her bed, I pull on my glasses from my jacket's inner pocket and open the journal to the latest entry. Yesterday. I read her words, expecting her to profess her undying fucking love for yours truly because of our little fuck session, but she didn't. Not that I thought she would fuckin' lie to me, but I assume she exaggerated just how casual she wants our relationship to be. But what she wrote is pretty much what she fuckin' told me. She just wants to be fuckin' friends. Friends that fuck, as it were.

"Huh," I say out loud. I'm actually a little fucking surprised. My good girl is a little more progressive than I fuckin' thought.

She starts to write about our fuck session. She writes that she trusts me completely and that's why she let me fuck her. She knows I would be good to her. I read on and discover that I gave her her first ever orgasm. Fuck, yeah. The way she describes the whole thing, I must've fucked her real good.

Shit, I'm getting a fuckin' chubby reading this.

Further on down the page, she writes about our fight. She talks about being fucking confused about what I was thinking. Goddamnit. She's just so fucking... I don't know. She doesn't know how the world works now. And she doesn't get how I need to protect her. I guess I haven't fucking explained it to her. I can't even really explain it to my fuckin' self, though. I just have this fuckin' soft spot for her...

She doesn't keep a damn thing from me. Everything she writes in here is what she fucking told me that night. I flip through to older entries and start to read through them. I discover that she really hasn't kept any secrets from me since I told her not to after I brought her back from the fucking cell.