This Is How I Disappear (Negan/OFC)

Chapter 35

Time passes, but Chuck and Negan's relationship is a little strained. At least it feels that way to Chuck. Negan still takes care of her, cooks for her, helps her when she's feeling nauseous. But he's been distant, spending more time away from Chuck and making frequent trips to the new community, Hilltop.

Not that Chuck hears that from Negan. She gets most of her info from Simon these days.

It's been hard for Chuck, but she tries to work through it by herself. She is too embarrassed to talk to the wives about it. Admitting that Negan doesn't want her anymore would be mortifying. And she feels herself slipping back into old patterns of self doubt.

He realized I'm not good enough for him. That's the only explanation. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore because I'm not good enough for him.

No matter how distant Negan is with Chuck, he still gets excited about the baby. Whenever he comes home, he kneels down, kisses Chuck's belly, and greets the baby. Chuck, not so much.

They also start to bicker about dumb things, which they've never done before. Chuck knows she's partly to blame. Silly things will set her off and no matter how much she tries to keep it in, she lashes out. She blames the baby hormones.

Negan, most of the time, just leaves when Chuck gets angry. Like it's not even worth his time to deal with. This usually results in Chuck becoming upset and overthinking what had just happened, sending her spiraling into anxiety and self hate.

One day, they're eating dinner and it leads to an argument for some reason. Instead of continuing on with the discussion, Negan leaves in the middle of Chuck's sentence to go into his room, which makes Chuck even angrier.

"Don't walk away from me, Negan. You can't just walk away!" She jumps up from the table and follows him.

"Yes I most certainly motherfuckin' can!" He sits down on his couch and takes his boots off.

"God, Negan! You can be such a dick!"

"Yup! That's me." He stands from the couch. "Fuckin' dickhole extraordinaire!" he yells sarcastically.

Chuck groans in frustration. "You know what? Whatever! I don't have to be here!"

"Don't you fucking leave this room," he growls out.

"What do you care? You always ignore me! That is, when you're actually here. You go to Hilltop twice a week to do god knows what!"

"What if I'm fucking a woman there. How would that make you feel?" he says coldly.

Chuck knows it shouldn't bother her. As a matter of fact, now that she's thinking about it, she's certain he's been sleeping with someone there. But him saying it so harshly to her does cause a pain to bloom in her chest. Not that she's going to admit that.

She scoffs. "I expect you to sleep with any woman that is willing." Especially since they haven't been intimate in a while.

His face scrunches up into a grimace. "Oh, is that fucking so?"

"Well, yeah," she shrugs dismissively. "That's how you've always been. Why would you stop now?"

He stares at her as he huffs out breaths. "That's how I've always been? It's who I am, right?" he spits her own words back at her. "It's who I fucking am!"

"Isn't it?!"

"Goddamnit, Lucille! Will you just-" He stops himself and stares at her with surprised eyes.

Chuck stares right back. He called her Lucille. And it snaps Chuck right out of her rage.

"Fuck." He looks to the ceiling and scrubs his hands down his face. "You get me so fuckin' flustered sometimes!"