This Is How I Disappear (Negan/OFC)

Chapter 39

Chuck lets out a sigh as she and Simon wait in Negan's office for him to get there. Simon is leaning on Negan's desk, staring at Chuck with an odd expression on his face as she paces the room. Feeling his gaze, she gives him a quick glance and then looks away when she meets his eyes.

Moments later when she looks back at him, and he's still staring at her, she speaks up. "What?"

"What, what?"

"You're staring at me."

"Sorry." He looks away. "It's just... You're okay, right?"

She lets out a huff. "I'm fine. I'm not gonna break down or anything," she mutters in frustration.

"Okay." He stands up from the desk.

"So stop looking at me like you're waiting for me to freak out."

"I'm not-" He shakes his head and holds his hands out in a placating way. "Okay, kiddo. Sorry."

Both of their heads turn to the doorway as Negan walks through it. Chuck's eyes immediately go to Negan's hands, which are splotched with blood. His pants are smeared with it as well, but Chuck tries not to stare.

Negan sets Lucille on his desk and turns to Simon. "Go downstairs and see that that fuck gets strung up by the gate. I wanna see that fucker every time I leave."

"You're putting him on the fence?" Chuck asks quietly.

Negan turns his head to her. "You okay with that?" he asks genuinely.

She thinks a moment. She's not sure if she really wants to see undead Brendon close up. But, then again, she probably wouldn't ever see him if he's by the gate. Since Negan doesn't ever want her to leave.

"Um. Yeah. That's- He-" She clears her throat. "That's part of the punishment, right?"

"Yeah, baby girl. It is."

Chuck lets out a breath. "Then I'm okay with it."

Negan looks to Simon and gives him a nod.

Simon nods back. "Okay, then." He squeezes Chuck's shoulder reassuringly as he walks past her to leave.

"Wait," Negan calls out and Simon stops just before the door. Negan takes his leather jacket off and hands it to him. "Give this to laundry. I want it fuckin' cleaned and back up here in an hour."

Simon takes the jacket and nods. "Sure thing, brother."

After Simon leaves, Negan gives Chuck a long look and lets out a sigh. "I need a fuckin' shower before I do anything else." He looks down at his bloody hands and tries to wipe the drying liquid off on his pants.

"Okay." Chuck wants to talk to him right now. She wants to tell him that she saw what he did and that she's okay with it. That he doesn't have to try to hide it from her. But she also wants to ask him if he's okay with it. She knows that he's killed many people before, but it still has to affect him in some way. And he's not very good at talking about his emotions on his own.

She watches him go into the bathroom and close the door partway like he usually does. He has a bad habit of leaving the door ajar, or completely open while he's in there.

She tries her hardest to be patient and wait for Negan to come back out to talk, but she can't. She pushes the door open slowly and shuts it behind herself.

"I hope that's you, Chuck." Negan calls out from the shower over the sound of the water splashing down by his feet.

"It's me," she responds.