Marvel imagines~

It's (not) okay -Steve Rogers

***Attention ,trigger warning : self harm. 
                            There isn't description of self harming,but scars * * *



The first time I noticed  was when she stretched out to take bowl from the cupboard.
Steve's pov:

I saw about 6-7 short scars on her hip ,by the color I could say they were maybe month old. For a moment I thought those are scars from a fight? Most of us have many small scars from battles that we don't even mention.
But...
Why are her scars in such perfect order,all same lenght?
I quickly cleared my mind from it and carried on with things I had to do for the day.

Second time I saw it was when she was putting on a hoodie.

We were about to go running early in the morning,and her room door were open so I walked in to tell her I am ready. When I walked in , I saw her pulling the hoodie over her head . She already had t-shirt under,and her arms were exposed to me . And I saw them there also. On her upper arm. 10 as I could count.

Third time I saw it was when she was pulling on those stupid knee socks she always wears.

She was first one  in the living room,where we all were supposed to watch a movie together.She had shorts on and long sleeve shirt ,and was pulling on knee socks when I walked in. And again,I saw them. Going from her ankle ,10 perfect wounds. Now fresh,not more than few days old.

-"Hey Y/N" I greeted when I walked in.
She quickly pulled up the sock and ,looks like she sort of was cofused because  I guess she wasn't expecting anyone yet, after looking at socks for few moments -looked up at me with small smile. I could see that she was smiling through pain,must be from the material touching the fresh wounds. 
"Heey Steve...what..are you doing here early?" she asked looking at me ,but I could see she was slowly moving her hand towards one of the legs and slowly lifting the material from her leg.
"Nothing..I just thought I could come here early and grab a seat before Tony comes" I smiled and walked towards her. I could see she was getting uncomfortable.
"Y/N...are you sure everything is okay?" I asked slowly. I knew what it is. And I tried staying calm.
"Y-yeah why Steve?" she asked,nervously smiling again.
"Oh come on don't lie to me,you know you are a bad liar." I groaned as anger in me couldn't be controled anymore.

"I don't know what you're tal-" she tried but I cut her off.
I took her by the wrist and pulled her towards the hallway ,and my room. She tried protesting but I didn't let her . When we got in my room ,I closed the door behind me and pushed her to sit on the bed.

"Y/N explain me everything? What's wrong? Why are you doing that?" I asked ,trying to cool myself down.
"Steve what is going on ? There is ,there is nothing wrong I'm telling you." she replied,nervously.
"Nothing? Really .Then explain this." I said as I quickly pulled off one of her socks,exposing her fresh wounds to our eyes.
"STEVE!" she screamed as she jumped to get the sock from my hands "YOU HAD NO RIGHT ,WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IF I SAID IT'S NOTHING THEN IT'S NOTHING".
"Y/N,calm down please. This is for your own good." I said but she still tried taking the sock from my hand,high above my head.I pulled her to myself and hugged her with one hand,then threw the sock away and hugged her with both my hands.For few moments she was fighting against me,throwing punches at my shoulders and chest but I didn't pull away. Then she broke down and started crying. I sat on the bed with her,allowing her to cry in my chest for few moments before I broke the silence again.
"What is going on,please,tell me ,I hate to see you like this." I whispered in her ear.
"I-I don't know Steve.Everything and nothing,war and peace at the same time. I thought I got better but then it hit me back again and just...I couldn't do anything. I....I had to get away from the feeling in my chest and the thoughts that were haunting me." she sobbed .
"But...but you could have talked with someone. You know we are here for you." 
"I didn't want to talk about it with anyone.I was..scared of your reaction" she continued.
"Oh Y/N" I said as I pulled her closer " why of our reaction ? You know we would help you" 
"I don't know....I was scared of what you would say about....well,my way of coping with it all."
"You know...after I...woke up...that day...I felt so lost. I felt as I have missed out my whole life. I lost my best friend and I didn't know what was going on with Peggy. I couldn't drink it all away,because I can't get drunk. I felt like a whole mess..But here I am now. I found healthy way of coping up with all that.I am happy. But being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect in life,it means you are looking above imperfections. "
She sat there in silence.

"Please,let me treat them" I pleaded slowly.

It took her few moments of thinking,but then she stretched the leg out towards my lap.
My eyes widened. I felt pain in my chest. She was really doing this to herself. I felt so bad for not noticing this earlier. I stood up to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. Taking her leg in my hands,I slowly cleaned the wounds,sprayed them and wrapped up with gauze. Not for a moment did she even wince..
She saw there silently,looking at her leg.

I finally decided to make a move.
I saw Peggy in my eyes.How she walked in my life,and walked out without me making move until it was really late.

I didn't want it to happen with Y/N too.
I took her hand in mine and placed soft kiss.
She looked up at me .

"I am ..so so sorry for waiting something like this to happen too confess to you. That I love you..Love you so much Y/N" 
Her messy (H/C) hair was falling over her hair and I couldn't see her face.
So I moved hair from her face.
And I kissed her.

"It's okay" she whispered.

 Y/N always asked herself where do shadows go in the morning.Her eyes were closed,eyes tired.Silence was playing.And we were there like an unusal music note.Happy?Above.