Marvel imagines~

It does(not) make you a monster-Loki

I felt so safe with him.

No matter what others were saying about him,I didn't want to be part of that.Their behaviour changed slightly,but they still weren't ready to accept him. I think the only time they weren't talking with him as they are talking with an enemy ,is when I am around ,because I don't  allow that. Even though Loki wasn't showing that and would never admit it,he was hurt by it.

The fact that people are still acting towards him as if he is only waiting for good moment to kill them,bothered him. I couldn't do much there,which hurt me and I felt bad for it.I only could talk with my teammates from time to time.

We were watching documentary on TV,about World War II,which he insisted on watching. He still wasn't used to technology,so most of the time he would call me even if he didn't really want to. He thought he looks stupid. So,maybe he wanted to watch this on his own,but I am sure he still doesn't understand how TV remote works,so when there were loud fighting scenes he wouldn't know how to low the volume.

So I stayed in the living room with him.
I sat next to him ,pulled blanket round my body and placed my head on his shoulder. Most of the time,I was looking up at him. Not only because I watched that documentary,like,20 times and heard stories from Bucky and Steve million times alredy. It was because I was trying to memorize his face ,body posture,his acting . I did this in every situation we were in. I wanted to know how he is reacting to certain things.

"What?" he asked after 10 minutes,not taking his eyes off the TV.
"Nothing perticular." I replied and wiggled under blanket bit,finding new more comfortable position.
"Why are you staring then?" 
"Am I not allowed to look at my love?" I asked ,chuckling.
"Documentary is more interesting than me.Keep watching it" 
"But I know all about it.What I want to know is more about you" I said,raising my head and placing kiss on his cheek.
"We talked about this Y/N. There is nothing I can tell you about myself" he replied,with some emptiness in those words.
"I want to know the real you. I want to know about things you love doing,enjoy doing. About people you love, abou-" 
"No. People I love are dead. Person,actually.And it was clearly my fault." he cut me off coldly,and stood up,storming off somewhere.

I felt so bad.Rush of coldness ran through my body and I stood up,planning to go after him,holding the blanket tightly round my body. My intention was never to make him mad,to make him feel guilty or like he is the 'bad guy' again. I really only wanted to get to know him better. With Loki ,it's always walking on thin line between gaining his complete trust and falling into dark pit that he fell many years ago. It really is hard to stay balanced,but I never ,not even for minute,thought of just walking back and leaving him. 
For the best,I thought it's to leave him on his own for some time,and in hour or two I will go back and check on him. And ,apologize.


I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up,first thing that crossed my mind is to go and apologize . So I stood up,leaving he blanket behind and walked towards his room,where I assumed he is. Coldness was pinching my skin ,and I hugged myself tightly. Letting down my (h/c) hair from braid,I traced slowly over my thighs with fingers. It sent chills down my spine. 

Walking into his room,first thing I noticed was him sitting on bed. In his Jotun form. 
"Loki" I whispered,closing the door behind me. He didn't even move. I followed his gaze,but it led me nowhere,only for me to see empy look in his eyes. 
"Loki" I called ,now not whispering,as I scanned his blue body.Following the lines on his forehead,I came to meet his red eyes. The bloody color of those never scared me,really.
"Loki I am sorry,I never meant to hurt you in any way." I said walking towards him.
"Stay.there.And you did not hurt me. You just helped me open my eyes.I allowed myself to be blinded by your tries to make me think I am not what I am. " he said angrily. 
"A monster" he spat ,staring at my eyes.
"No,wha-no? What are you talking about? I never tried to make you think that . I tried to help you. To open your eyes for your true self . Jotun part of you does not make you a monster,Loki. Why would you think of that?" I asked ,shaking my head.

He bounced on his feet and made his way towards me. As soon as he approached me ,I felt shaking of coldness,but I bit my tongue and didn't move.
"What makes me think of that? Look at me" he said,spreading his arms "what do I look like? Like a prince? " he asked sarcastically ,with touch of poison and touch of pain in those words.
"I look like just what I am,and you-you need to stay away from me.Ignore me like all of them do. It's the best" he said turning away. 

But I caught him by his hand. In the same moment I felt as if my hand was turning to ice cube. 
"Are you mad?!" he yelled,snaping his hand from mine. I smiled gently .

Then ,I raised my hand ,closing my eyes,and slowly touched my forehead. As soon as I touched my forehead, my skin began to change color. From (s/c) ,as if someone was pouring paint over me,my body changed to bright blue color. Finally ,I opened my eyes to reveal bloody red color of them. 
He stood there in shock.

"Do you fear ME now?" I asked,smiling lightly.
He had no words.
"You have to accept the fact that I love you. Both you and your Jotun part.That makes you complete.Just like this makes me complete.But does it makes me a monster? Do you think of me as a monster now?" I asked ,tilting my head on one side.
"I would never think of you as monster" he replied,furrowing his eyebrows.
"So why are you convincing yourself that I think of you as one ? I love you. Nothing can change that. And nothing can make me walk away. Not even you can make me do that.You allowed me to see in the deepest dark pits you fell into,and now that you are half-way out,do you really think I will let you just because that's part of you?" I asked ,pointing at his forehead .

Slowly I approached him,wrapping my hands round his neck and burrying my face between his neck and hair. I felt his hand slowly wrapping round my waist ,and his knees betrayed him.
He fell on them,and so did I ,allowing him to cry on my shoulder.
This was my first time seeing Loki cry,and it made me feel such pain in chest. Slowly ,we were both changing back to normal. He never let anyone,even me rarely , to see him hurt ,especially crying. 

"I don't care  for title. Prince,king,hero,villain. Under all the titles they pinned to you,you are only you.I want nothing but you,the Loki who doesn't even realize,but makes me so happy and loved. I only want you Loki." I said hugging him tightly. 
He said nothing back,but hugged me back. 
   I took that as the best responce I could get.