Love on the Radio

Chapter 35 - Unravel

A/N: I hope you like it. I don't know about you, but for me it's getting exciting. :)

“Give me courage,” I repeated to myself.

I held onto a piece of paper I had written the day before. On there were encouragements and also my goals for that day. It was 7:35 in the morning and I was getting ready for school. My backpack was waiting for me next to the door, and I was staring at myself in the mirror, my hand trembling.

I looked at the person in the mirror, she was pretty. Her hair was in a ponytail, and a curl had escaped and was framing the right side of her face. Her eyes were a little teary, because she was afraid, but she kept thinking that it was stupid to cry; nothing was wrong.

She was wearing a red T-shirt, and a giggle escaped her lips when her eyes travelled across her chest and to her stomach. It was the same colour shirt that Howard had worn, and she had her blue jeans on.

“Give me courage,” she repeated – I repeated. I inhaled and slowly let out the breath. Why was talking to a boy so nerve-wracking?

I grabbed the bag as I walked out of my room and out the door, where mom was waiting in the car.

Dad was still in the house, but in the shower, so he couldn’t hear me say goodbye anyways. He was going across the country and had to get ready for an important meeting.

I sat in the car.

“You ready?” mom asked, brushing the curl behind my ear. “Big day, huh?”

I nodded and then smiled at her. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

I had told mom about Evan, and Howard, and me. She probably knew the whole secret admirer situation, but I hadn’t directly said anything about that. And that was over anyways. I didn’t need to know who that was if that person didn’t feel like telling me.

The school parking lot was half empty. Students were already inside, only a couple of them were running to get there in time. I didn’t need to hurry, I still had five minutes. I exited the car and waved mom goodbye. I threw my bag over my shoulder and turned around.

There was a boy under the tree. He was wearing a red T-shirt and blue jeans.

I swallowed.

He was standing there with his backpack over one shoulder, looking at me.

I thought of saying something, but instead my feet began moving and I looked away, towards the school. I passed him, radiating ignorance, which was not my intention, but my defence mechanism defended me from getting hurt. What if I had stayed there, staring at him, and he had walked away? What if he had insulted me there? Laughed at me? Looked happy without me? Flipped me off?

I fastened my pace and soon I was inside the building, my eyes searching for the classroom.

My courage was gone. Crashed into a million pieces and my vision was blurred. No way I could’ve picked the pieces back up and glued them together. Nothing was holding me together except the defence mechanism.

I was starting to feel the panic. What if he didn’t love me; I needed him to love me.

English saved me.

And yet, it was just a mirage. English was a trap. The only available seat was next to Jace. He smiled at me and pulled the chair next to him out. I was frozen at the door. What the hell? This was not supposed to happen. Why was life playing tricks?

I had figured everything out at home. My goal was simple: go to school without breaking apart, find a way to talk to Howard (which I guess was out of the question now) and then, after school, find Evan and tell everything to him. Fuck.