Love on the Radio

Chapter 33 - Accept

A/N: So I thought this would be the last chapter, but IT ISN'T. I will write until I feel I have said it all. Right now, I still have stuff to say. I don't know if it's good news or bad. They say no news is good news, so I guess this is bad news? :)

PS: This story is now finished (you still have 4 more chapter to go, plus the epilogue), and if you couldn't get enough of some of the characters, I'm writing a spin-off called Blue Howard. He's the main character, and I've already posted the first chapter. Soon, the second one will follow.

Chapter 33 – Accept

“He’s in love with Howard.”

Silence.

I couldn’t think, couldn’t blink, couldn’t speak.

There was a weakness that spread in my body; it lay down on me like a labyrinth of spider webs.

What?

What?

I don’t understand.

But-

“Crap! I really shouldn’t have said anything,” Ramona said and started apologizing.

My vision was out of focus, blurry like the window when it was raining.

My mind was swirling and twirling, but too slowly to ignore it, but fast enough not to stop it.

“Please repeat,” I managed to whisper.

We were sitting on the floor of my room. The walls seemed to close in, or go even further. I felt exposed. And foolish.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

I shook my head. “No, not that.”

“Evan’s in love with Howard,” she mumbled and covered her face. “Fuck! The more I say it, the more crappy I feel about telling this to you.” Her shoulders shook. She was crying. “I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable. I didn’t want to hurt you, or Evan, or anybody. I really shouldn’t have!” She exposed her face and wiped the tears away. “But I thought this would be good. That...that you wouldn’t rush into things, and you would give it a second thought. Because, Evan’s going to get hurt. He knows you like him, but he keeps hoping, because you two haven’t said the ‘I love you’ word to each other,” she paused to take a breath. “He keeps hoping. And he’s my best friend.”

I felt bad. I felt sick. I felt like the biggest bastard. All I had thought about was how I was going to face Howard, and tell him, probably kiss him passionately, but this would change things.

This wasn’t probably the-happy-ending story, this was real life and it was possible I wasn’t going to ‘marry’ prince charming. Also, I didn’t want a cheesy story. I didn’t need a boy to tell me I was worth something. But I wouldn’t mind it.

“Evan loves Howard,” I said the words out loud.

“Well, he’s in love with him,” corrected Ramona. “I think there’s a difference. Might not be, but I think there is. Just saying.”

She saw that I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t even sad, I was just confused. Maybe not even that, I was numb, but not in a tragic kind of way, I just didn’t know what to think or feel.

“I’m glad you told me,” I turned to her and nodded. I even managed to form a smile.

“There’s more,” she said and covered her mouth with her hand. “This is not going to be easy,” she mumbled into her palm and closed her eyes to gather herself.

At this point, I think I was ready for anything. Maybe I even hoped for something dramatic. It would get my mind off of the whole admirer thing. I had started to doubt my speech, but deep down I knew it had been the right thing to do. I couldn’t let someone I didn’t know control my life.