Love on the Radio

Chapter 29 - To be or not to be?

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm trying to be a better person. Here's a long chapter, for a change. I hope things are about to get interesting.

Thank you for not bailing on me, like I kind of did. I love you all. Lots of comments :)

Chapter 29 – To be or not to be?

Nothing but silence. Screaming silence that was pressuring me. I felt weak, my legs were shaking as were my hands. I had put the headphones on and was breathing into the microphone.

„Hi!“ I started off. Pretty lame, but hey, they had to know I sucked. Best embrace the suck, right? „I’m Madison. Some of you know me. It’s my first time to host a show. Please be patient and polite. Whatever song requests you have, send them to me or call. I’d love to chat with you.“ I didn’t sound eager – not a problem, but I didn’t sound happy either – a slight problem. I pressed the button (however they call it), so I wasn’t on air anymore. Instead, there was a song playing in the background (Imagine Dragons – It’s time).

„So?“ I looked hopefully at her. Her face was practically expressionless.

„It was good,“ she nodded. „Next time be a bit more eager, though. Or not. I think either will do. Just keep going. It’s fine.“ She gave me a thumbs up and then she became busy with her phone and at one point left. All by myself, again. I really don’t want to be. And I found myself being haunted by that song – All by myself. I tried to focus on Imagine Dragons, but I just wasn’t in this happy mood.

On air. „Great song, eh? The first thing that comes to mind is it’s finally time to find out who is my secret admirer, but I guess he just likes to keep things interesting and apparently, he also likes to be anonymous. And here I am, pouring my heart to all of you. I am not even going to begin with how lame I sound or feel. I’m just another brick in the wall.“ I sighed. This wasn’t half as bad as I thought. All I needed to do was tell the truth. People already knew someone was crazy about me, or was he? Anyways, it couldn’t hurt, could it? To tell my side of the story. No.

I put on a track, related to what I was talking about, Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall, but it was just a soundtrack, silently playing. My voice was louder, I just needed a song that matched my mood, like in the movies. Well, now I could do that in real life as well. Wasn’t that just awesome?

„So, I was thinking, if I could make a playlist of my life, or of my best moments, what would it be like? And then I thought, why don’t you send me your playlists, and I could play them. I mean, everybody has a story to tell, don’t they? I think it’s time people heard it. Yes, it’s time, just like Imagine Dragons.“ I laughed, and for the first time, I liked my laugh, it was kind and honest and free. „For example, I already see the first couple of songs from when I was little, some movie soundtracks or whatever.“ I closed my eyes and leaned back. „I loved Disney movies.“ I shut up, eyes wide open. Shit, Disney...princesses...Howard...fuck. My smile was gone. „Moving on,“ I said, sounding exhausted or annoyed. I don’t know how to label what I was feeling – sad, definitely, but what else?

All Time Low – For Baltimore

Not on air. I needed to cheer myself up again. But seemed, I just made everything worse for myself, because Alex reminded me of Howard, and I was struggling to hold back tears. I removed the headphones and stood up. I turned around and startled. The boy from the desk was leaning against the doorframe, a cup of coffee in his hands. I frowned at him, but he just smirked.

„What?“ I mouthed.

He gave me a thumbs-up, and said, „Carry on, it’s great.“ And then the most brilliant idea crossed my mind – I could have guests on my show. Yeah, why not? Nobody said I had to do this alone. I could invite people here and interview them. Genius!