Me, Myself, and Him

Chapter 8: Powerful thoughts

Lapis POV

I slowly walked towards the ladder leading up to Peridot's bed, making sure not to make any noise and wake her. If I was going to punish her, I would to do it quietly.

As I slowly climbed the ladder with blade in hand, I heard some movement from behind me. Then I heard a familiar voice call out:

Lapis? What are you doing up so late?

 I looked behind me and saw that Gray had reappeared in the Barn. I had no idea where he went when I was talking to Steven, but wherever he went, I couldn't have him ruin my plan. I chuckled and put a finger to my lips.

"Shhh... We don't want to wake resting bitch face up there."

Wait, what? Who are you talking about? What... What are you doing with that knife? 

"Don't worry about it"

I continued my way up the ladder until I got to the top and climbed up. Peridot was sleeping on her small little mattress. I loomed over her, staring. 

Look at her... How can she be sleeping so peacefully knowing we're not even close to understanding what is fucking HAPPENING TO ME!

I clutched the knife closer to myself. I felt like my blood was boiling in my veins. These thoughts, they're so... overwhelming. I needed to relieve myself of them.

Just one little slash, and I would be able to think clearly again... One. Quick. Slash.

Peridot's eyes fluttered awake. She still seemed half asleep, but she seemed pretty confused.

"Lapis... What are you doing staring at me?" she asked.

My smile grew wider. I started giggling to myself.

One. Quick. Slash.

"Don't worry, PERI. Just hold still, or I'll make this a thousand times more painful than it has to be..."

I started to raise the knife over my head. My giggles became laughter. My smile became even wider.

Peridot noticed my manic face and the knife over my head. Her eyes went wide, and she started to back away.

"L-Lapis? Are y-you okay? Just p-put down the knife, and w-we can talk, r-right?"

I stepped closer towards the now panicking Peridot. My laughter turned to cackles. My eyes went wide.

One. Quick. Slash.

"Oh PERI... I've wanted to do this to you ever since I saw you in the barn."

I brought the knife down fast.

ONE. QUICK. SLASH!

"LAPIS, NO!"

"GOODBYE PERIDOT!!!"

LAPIS WAIT!

The knife stopped just about an inch from Peridot's gem.

"...What do you want?"

Lapis, listen to me! This isn't you, this is that infection inside of you. You don't need to do this!

"You don't understand, I NEED to do this. The thoughts... They're just so painful. Just one quick slash, and I'm done..."

NO, YOU DON'T NEED THIS! Lapis, I may not know you as much as your other friends, but I still know you. And this isn't you!

"SHUT UP! You don't know me! You don't know what's going through my mind!"

But I DO know you Lapis! You're a slightly lazy, slightly apathetic, yet kind person! You enjoy a cheesy 80's romcom and you help save the planet from time to time!  You were kept in a mirror AND as a prisoner at the bottom of the ocean for months on end, yet above all else you've become close friends to the people who put you in those situations! This... This isn't you!

"You don't understand, I'm the only one who help myself! I NEED to do this!"

But you aren't the only one! You have so many people who care about you! I... I made you a promise... and I'll be damned if I break it... You're not alone in this...

At stood there, staring at Gray, still looming over Peridot, those painful thoughts still in the back of my head.

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!? He doesn't get me! I don't have any other choice! I... I...

All of a sudden, the thoughts that were unbearable at one point slowly quieted down, and I realized what I was doing.

I was trying to kill my best friend. The person who cared for me and looked after me even when I wouldn't for her. The only person I... loved.

I could feel my hands shaking. Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. I turned back to face Peridot and let the knife fall to my side.

"Peridot... I..."

"...Lapis?"

I let my tears flow down my face. I knelt down and hugged Peridot as hard as I could. If I had hugged her any harder, she probably would have poofed.

"P-Peridot... I'm so s-sorry... I don't k-know what came o-over me... I didn't m-mean to... I..."

Peridot pulled me closer.

"Lapis... it's okay... you're okay now..."

I looked Peridot straight in the eyes.

"But it's not okay, Peri! I just tried to kill you!"

"Lapis... I know you didn't mean it... It's that infection that's doing this... not you. We'll... We'll find a way to fix this. I promise..."

*sniff* "Okay..."

For the rest of the night, we just sat there. I was curled up into a ball, not saying a word, and Peri stroked my hair, trying to calm me down.

"It's going to be okay Lapis... We're going to figure this out." Peridot said.

I really wish I could believe her. I really wish I could believe things were going to be okay.

"Peri... thank you." I said

"F-For what?" She asked.

"For taking care of me..."

I started to fall asleep in the middle of my sentence,but not before I heard her say something.

"Don't worry. I'll always take care of you..."