Me, Myself, and Him

Chapter 20: Air on my skin

Lapis? POV

I slowly opened and closed my hands.  I could feel everything. The air blowing softly against me. The hardwood flooring under my feet. All these emotions seemed like distant memories, but so new and unfamiliar.

This is what it was like. To live.

Even my own thoughts seemed to be unjumbled by the thick haze that clouded my mind when I was... the other thing.

But didn't have to worry about that anymore. I was free.

I looked down at myself. It was a bit jarring to not see myself, but another person entirely. Blue skin. Weird clothes. It was definitely jarring. Like I was myself, but wasn't at the same time.

"Is this how it feels like? To be alive?" I asked myself. Even my voice, although it wasn't my voice, sounded clearer and less distorted.

Gray... Please. Give me my body back.

I turned around to face Lapis. The real Lapis.

"Lapis, I have no intent to take control away from you forever. But I don't intend to give it back right now. I need to know what else I have been missing. How much the world has changed since I disappeared."

Please, this is wrong. Give me back control over my life. You could get yourself, MYSELF, hurt.

"Relax, Lapis. It's not like I'm gonna go around shoving knives into myself while being "obsessed with pain." I want to LIVE, not die."

I felt an unusually cold breeze fly by, and I shivered from head to toe.

"Although... I think we may start with a change in wardrobe. I'm not gonna be walking around the countryside in a dress at the mercy of the elements. And what's your deal with shoes? Do you not feel how cold the flo-"

"HEEEY LAZULI!" Someone from behind me yelled

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" I screamed, jumping out of my skin. MY skin... Does that saying still apply here? Honestly, everything is just so... new.

"Oh, sorry Lapis. Did I scare you?"

I turned around to see that Peridot had finally returned from wherever she ventured off to this morning. She was carrying a large bag which seemed to hold pieces of junk in it.

Peridot! Oh thank the stars, please you have to help me! I don't know what happened.

"Y-Yeah, you did scare me! Don't do that again!" I replied back.

"Oh... Okay. Once again, I am sorry. It was not my intent."

Wait what? Peridot, that's not me, that's Gray! Please, help me!

"You do know she can't hear you, right?" I quietly whispered to Lapis.

"What was that?" Peridot asked.

"N-Nothing! I was just wondering if... if you found what you were looking for this morning?" I half-said, half-asked.

"Actually, I didn't find any more of the human food you like, but I did find more meep-morp parts! Now we can continue on our project from yesterday!"

Aw jeez, that sounds like a lot more time cooped up in this stupid barn playing with junk. I don't want to do that. I wanna live my life!

No... Peri, please... listen to me...

"Actually Peridot, I... I need to do something today. By myself. I'll be gone for probably the entire day, so don't wait up for me. It's just for today, though! Tomorrow, we can do whatever you want! There's just this reeeaaallly important thing I need to do today, okay?" I responded, trying to reassure the small person in front of me.