The Party Girl // Zane Hijazi

Chapter 38: Understand

"Please, Zane, just say something," I pleaded.

He stared at it, and covered his mouth. He rubbed his face and looked at the test. "I don't-"

I rubbed my eyes.

"I mean- I can get an- an abortion," I suggested. "I don't wanna put you through that," he said. "I wanna have this kid with you," he said, looking up. He had tears in his eyes. He dropped the test on the table, dug in his sweatpants pocket. He pulled my engagement ring out of his pocket.

At this moment a weird though passed through my head.

What if this isn't what I want?

What if I don't want Zane?

"I really want to make this work with you," he said, looking at the ring. "I was certain that I wanted to live my life with you, and this would just make it better,"

"I just really hope you can forgive me," he said, looking up at me.

I looked down at my fingers. "It'll take some time, Zane," I said. "I love and care about you so much, but like- I don't know how quick I can bounce back from that," I shook my head.

He grabbed my left hand and examined it. "I just want you to know it wasn't malicious,"

"It was a joke that went too far, and I hope you can trust me again," he said, holding the ring up. I stuck out my ring finger, and leaned my face on my palm. He smiled softly at me. "I love you Zane," I said, looking at my ring, and at him. "I just need some time,"

"I understand," he said.

"Will you come home?" he asked. I nodded.

"Are you- nervous to have a kid?" I asked, questioning his seemingly coy attitude. "I'm fucking terrified, I don't know how to do this, but we can make it work together, I promise,"

So many things ran through my head.

Once we finished our coffees he followed me to Carly and Erin's apartment. We walked up to the apartment and I knocked on their door. "Are they mad?"

"Kristen is," I said. Erin opened the door, and looked at Zane. "Hi Bryn," she said, giving Zane the cold shoulder. She let us in, and sat on the couch. My boxes and bags were piled in their living room. Kristen came out of the bathroom and stopped in her tracks once she saw Zane. Carly wouldn't even look at him.

Zane rubbed the back of his head. "You guys really aren't gonna talk to me?" he asked, obviously frustrated. "Nope," Erin said, pulling her laptop onto her lap. "Nah," Kristen said, giving me a hug, then sitting on the couch. "I honestly don't wanna look at you," Carly said, scrolling through the channels on the tv.

"She forgave me, guys," he said, sounding guilty. "No one can forgive something like that, that fast," Kristen said. I gave a small giggle. "Well, I'm gonna take my stuff back home, and get some sleep. I work tomorrow and sleeping in a car isn't very relaxing," I said, picking up a box, and a duffle bag. Zane grabbed the other two boxes and Kristen grabbed my backpack. We all walked down the stairs carrying stuff then loaded it into my car.
"I'll see you at home, thank you so much," I said in Kristen's ear as I hugged her goodbye. She walked back up and Zane looked at me. I messed with my hair and looked down. "I'll uh- see you at home," I said, nodding. Zane put his hand on my hip and tried kissing me. I backed my head away, and looked back at the ground. He looked at me with a somewhat confused and angry face. "I just- I'm not ready yet," I said, hoping he'd understand. His brown eyes looked hurt. "I understand," he said. "See ya," he said, walking away. I pressed my lips together and swung my arms to the side before bringing my flat palm to my fist, and walking around to the driver's side of the car.

I drove the 30 minutes to my neighborhood, and got to the hill. I zipped up the mountain fast and quick, and quickly came to my house. Everyone's car was in the drive way. "Great," I muttered knowing I'd get the awkward looks from everyone. Heath sat outside on his porch. I parked my car behind Zane's and got out. I walked over to Heath. "Hey," he said, looking up at me taking a drag of his cigarette. "Hey," I said, sitting next to him in the plastic chair. I slumped down, and stared out to the street. "How you doing?" he asked.

I sighed.

"Well-" I said, giving a 'well i'm giving up' laugh. "I'm pregnant," I said. "Wait- what?" he turned to me. I looked at him. "Bryn- congrats- but what are you guys gonna do?!" he asked, concerned.

"I don't know,"

"Hey Heath did you-"

I saw a familiar face peaking out of the door way. "Oh- Bryn," he said, straightening his body up. My face softened. "Hey Todd,"

"Hey," he gave a soft smile. "Can I talk to you?" I asked, getting up from the chair. He furrowed his eyebrows. "Uh, yeah, sure," he said. I walked past him and into the guest house. "It's nice in here," I said, looking around. "Well you don't particularly visit," he laughed. I smiled then looked down and went into Todd's bedroom and sat on his bed. He came in and sat next to me. I looked at my hands. "I just- I wanna say I'm really sorry," I said. "I know I said this last night but you didn't deserve what I put you through," I said. He stared at me. I looked up and met his eyes. I put his hand on mine and looked at me. "I don't think- God," he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"God- I just- You don't know how in love with you I am," He admitted. "As terrible as it sounds, I dream of the day you realize you want me instead of Zane," he said.

My stomach churned. "Toddy-" I shook my head. "Please listen," he said, not holding my hand in both of his hands. "You are so beautiful. I just want to be able to hold you at night," he said. "I love you Bryn,"

"Please understand that,"