The Art of Letting You Go

coffee house

The air was cold, going hand in hand with the month of September in San Francisco. I had no idea where I was going. I followed wherever my feet would take me, hoping my subconscious somehow knew where Olly was.

I reached the coffee shop we had around the corner. I chuckled as I read over the sign just outside.

"The Split Bean."

I immediately felt at home as I stepped into the cozy building. The bell above me added even more flavor to the place. There was a set of tables spread in front of the counter at the back. It smelt like coffee and sweetness.

"Good morning, how may we help you?" A boy, who I'm guessing is close to my age, greets me with a smile. I'm not sure why I'm here, I just had breakfast.

Oh right, to think about something other than Olly.

"An iced mocha, please." I return his use of a smile as I take a seat at the counter.

"Do I know you?" The boy walks back and forth as he completes my order.

"I might, do you go to Granite Hills?"

"Yes I do." He replies, handing me my drink. I quickly take a sip, filling the awkward space between us.

"My name's Mason." He reaches his hand over the counter, not even looking to make sure his boss isn't watching.

"Avery. Nice to meet you." He nods. We continue to make conversation as I finish my drink of sugary goodness. We both look behind us as the bell rings again. I make eye contact with Henry, one of Olly and Richie's friends. 

And I thought I could escape Olly for at least one day.

I turn back to Mason, answering his question about what I like to do.

"Uhm, I like to read and write I guess."

"Typical girl in coffee house answer." We both laugh as the bell rings again. 

Olly.

I avoid his eye contact. By his demeanor, he still seems as upset as he was at the party. I think back to how we shared that intimate moment in the bathroom and the car. He was so worried about me, almost determined to protect me. Perhaps he's never had anyone to protect him. Twenty minutes later he was fuming and taking it out on some guy. He did it for me.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and turn to face him. His eyes, still the brightest shade of blue I've ever seen. Even after smashing someone's face in. He was like pure magic.

"Hi," My voice is weak around him.

"What are you doing here?" He looks at me, then Mason, then back to me again.

"I started walking and I ended up here." I give a smile to the both of them. 

"Oh," His eyes seem to dim. Now that I'm focusing on him, he looks as though he's been crying.

"Olly, what's wrong?" He brings his head back to mine at the mention of his own name.

"It's nothing." His voice catches at the end. I can tell he's on the brink of tears and it causes my heart to ache.

"Mason, I'll be back in a minute. Thanks for the coffee." I hug him awkwardly, but I'm too caught up in Olly's well being to care.

I lead him over to a table in the corner as Henry watches our every move. I don't think he likes me very much.

"I told you it was nothing." Olly's tone is harsh. His skin starts to feel cold against mine.

"I can tell that it's not." I force myself to make eye contact with him. I felt the pain he was giving off, and the fear he held for showing it. 

"Talk to me." Those three words were all it took for Olly to open up.

He shed a few tears before fully diving into the heart wrenching story. 

"I've never told anyone about this before, I don't know why I'm telling you," Ouch.

I understood he had built walls around himself. For him to be crying at a coffee house in front of a girl he just met must have been his last straw with life. He had to find an outlet. A way out.

He told me about his father. His words were sloppy with the salt from his tears, but I managed to gather enough pieces to put the puzzle together. 

His dad is an alcoholic. Olly can't remember the last time his dad was even sober. Just before Olly agreed to hang out with Henry, his dad came home, at 10 in the morning, from a night out.

"This is why your mom left us. You." It pained him to repeat his fathers words. After spitting the lies in Olly's face, he noticed the bloody knuckles and the bruise on Olly's arm. He then proceeded to add to the collection, starting yet another fight with his own son.

We sat, both in tears, glad that the morning coffee drinkers hadn't appeared. I held one hand over his, letting him know his family history didn't discourage me. I wanted to show him that his pain was okay to feel. That his tears were not shameful. 

"Thank you." He says after we became comfortable in the silence.

"You can always talk to me." I reassure him. I wonder if he gets in fights often. Perhaps they had something to do with the violence inflicted at home.

"How often does this happen with your dad?" I choose to ask him instead as we both stand to leave.

"Often." He tries to laugh, not able to fully bring himself to do it. I wrap my arms around the side of his waist as we leave the coffee house. Hopefully Mason and Henry find company in each other.

"So you just walked here? All by yourself?" I'm still hanging from him as he attempts to lighten the mood.

"Yes I did. My house is a few streets over." I snuggle closer to him, affected by the cold but brought back to life by his heat.

"I like spending time with you." I stop walking as I hear the words leave his mouth. If he hadn't opened up to me the way he did back at the coffee house, I don't think I'd be hearing this confession.

"Me too." He turns to face me. 

"You look so nervous," He observes, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I'm usually nervous." All I can do is repeat what's already been said, scared to throw something crazy out and into this conversation. 

"You shouldn't be." He looks into my eyes. A weakness I've suddenly grown to love. I hold my breath as he cups both my cheeks with his hands and sighs. It was the loveliest sound I'd ever heard. It's as if he has finally found someone to rely on. I felt the same. 

He leans in and places his soft lips on mine. I had always imagined his lips this way. I had thought about it in the bathroom at that party. I wished he'd pity kiss me for having a ruined dress. Or realize the tension between us was too much for such a small room, and he had to kiss me in order for the air to lift.

Sparks ignite as his tongue glides over mine. He holds me firmly against him, my fingers laced between the strands of his hair. As the seconds go by we become more attached. I feel like I've finally let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

A car horn scares us both from the kiss we were sharing. I wipe my lips as his eyes follow the motion. He smirks. I laugh.

"That was..."

"Amazing." I add. We laugh again. I feel a thousand pounds lighter. I feel safe as his arms are still wrapped around me. In that moment everything else had vanished. No religion, mental illnesses, controlling dad's, loneliness, nothingness...

"I have to get to the bus stop." He embraces me. I feel like I've known Olly for years, I feel like he knows me more than I know myself. 

This couldn't last, it's a high school relationship.

I scold my subconscious for producing such negativity in a moment of such bliss. I stand on my tip toes to give Olly one last peck before being torn away from him. 

"See you Monday," He says, finally pulling himself from me.

"See you Monday."