The Art of Letting You Go

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"I'm not mad at you." She announces after me apologizing every fifteen seconds. I let go of her, not aware of how many people were staring at us. This had to be by Logan was acting so weird.

Logan.

There I was boasting about Olly and I, not even asking him about what was obviously bothering him. I suddenly felt more horrible than I did before. Sara hasn't told me any details, other than she wanted to get back with him but she doesn't know how to tell him that.

"I'll talk to him." I say, wiping a tear off of her cheek as she readjusts her bright blue hairband. "Sure," She replies. I wasn't really expecting her to, since I was the reason they broke up. I didn't have enough of a heart to ask why. 

"Is Madeline angry at me? Is anyone..." I can't help but ask. It would be easier to defend myself if I knew exactly why it was my fault.

"Oh, no. When I said it was about you, I didn't mean you caused it. I guess I started it. I don't know, I just don't want to talk about it, really." She says and I nod.

I text Logan, asking him to take me home and stay a while to talk.

Logan: Sure. See you after last.

Before I knew it, Business was over and I was on my way to second period. I waited for Mason, guilt overflowing my veins as if there were no blood left to circulate. 

"Hey," I heard his raspy voice from a few feet away before he sat next to me. "Hey," I reply. He adjusts himself, messing with his hair. "Is something wrong?" He looks over at me.

"Logan and Sara broke up and I didn't even ask him what was wrong. I knew something was wrong but I didn't even bother to ask." I began, Mason soaking in every word that left my mouth. His hands travel to mine, squeezing them as he nods.

"That's not your fault Avery. He should be opening up to you instead of waiting for you to pry him open." I loved talking to Mason. He always knew what to say, even when I wasn't in the mood to listen. 

"Maybe you could blow off some steam at the coffee house with me after school?" Mason asks, taking his hands from mine. "I would, but I told Logan to come over and talk to me for a while." I give Mason a polite smile, hoping I didn't offend his feelings after shutting down his offer. 

"Plus, I'll need a little time away from The Split Bean after what happened last time." I say and he laughs. I join in.

-

Olly wasn't in math, or at lunch. He'd been gone for the whole week so far, and I began to worry. He said he was leaving, but I thought he meant he was leaving me or taking a sick day. Now all I wanted to do was find him, and tell him I didn't mean what I said when we broke up.

Did we break up?

"Av." A hand is placed upon my back, I turn to find Logan. I smile at him as he leads us to his car. I climb in the passenger seat and prepare myself for the talk we're about to have when we get to my house. He still has no idea that Sara told me. 

"Will your mom be there?" He asks, shifting gears. "No, therapy." I reply with a forced smile. He didn't bother asking about my dad, knowing he'd been living in and out of hotels. 

He pulls into my driveway, eyeing my mom's car. I guess the session ended early? He places his hand on my back again as we walk into the house.

"Mom?" I call out, noticing the lights were on. Usually she'd be shutting herself off in her room. I see her walking down the hall, towards Logan and I. He hair is frizzy, makeup runny. I could tell she'd been crying, from how red the rest of her face was. I look back at Logan, thankful he had gotten the hint and took himself up to my room. I turn back to my mom, who'd gone to pull me into a hug.

"I got the divorce papers." She sighs into my hair. I hug her tighter. "We're meeting with our lawyers next Tuesday." I pull away from her, smiling as she holds my face in her hands. We've been waiting for this day for so long. 

No more fights, or bloodshed. No more insults and shame. He was one step closer to being gone. 

"Thank you, Mom." I say and melt back into her embrace. She holds me for a little while before wiping her happy tears from her face. I felt a thousand pounds lighter. 

I felt free.

I watched as she made her way into the attic, probably looking for boxes we're going to use to get rid of my father's stuff. There's no way either one of us would be letting him back into this house. 

I walk to my room but quickly stop myself. Logan was lying on his back, silently crying as he studies the pattern of my ceiling. I let out a sigh of utter heartbreak. He was hurting, again. Another girlfriend down the drain, and I'm the reason, again. 

I say nothing as I lay down next to him. I see him wipe his tears through the corner of my eyes. I flip over to my stomach and hold myself up with my elbow, leaning down towards Logan. 

"It's okay to cry." I whisper as I bring my hand to his cheek. I take his hand off of his own face, and trace the trial his tears had left. As my finger glides down his skin, he turns his head to face me. For a moment I can see the pain in his eyes. The sight sends shivers down my spine.

He leans toward me and I let him, my hand still attached to his cheek. I knew what he was going to do, and I knew I was going to let him. 

If he kissed me, maybe he'd get the comfort he really needed. Maybe he'd finally be able to let go of me.

He looks into my eyes cautiously before connecting his lips with mine. The kiss is soft and gentle, rather than steamy or passionate. He needed this kiss, not wanted it. 

As our lips moved together he was letting all of the pain go.

And he savored every second of it.