Petites Histoires [Edition 2018-2021]

Strange desire

Today will be the right day. It will be the day when I'll finally make a move forward.

I take a deep breath while these words don't stop resonating in my head.

Yes this time it will be the right one.

All started on July, I was hanging out with some friends then I saw her...

I know what you're thinking now: "Gosh another sappy love story! " and let me tell you that you're oh so wrong. The person whom I was staring was older than me. It was a woman probably in her thirties. She was alone, looking forward while holding slightly her bag. A red bag, precisely.

At first, nothing came to my head; it was a woman like every other woman on this earth, but then a little voice on me kept telling me that I've already seen her before, that she was important to me in a distant past.

I bite my lip, then let my thoughts returning to the actual moment before participating in the discussion of my friends. I wanted to forget her, to let this strange moment and feeling fading away but it wasn't possible. No. It wasn't.

Days passed and became weeks that became months. This feeling wasn't fading away and everything worsened, I wasn't able to find peace with me, it refused to let me live my life serenely. I even started to dream about this woman, to imagine scenarios about her, about her role, why I'm feeling like this. I almost went mad. I didn't even try to talk about that to anyone, finding myself this story completely ridiculous.

Then this day arrived, probably 6 months, approximately after the event, I saw her again, this time she was smiling and working as a waitress, I was in disbelief, I couldn't help it, it was so mesmerizing to see her again. I didn't talk to her at this moment, nor did she see me staring at her and thanks God for that. I wouldn't like to be considered as a stalker even if I was enough conscious of the strangeness of my reactions.

This day, I felt like I went too far, like everything seemed too surrealist for me. My only wish wasn't the resolution of this enigma, but to forget everything and continuing living life on my way. I just wanted to be able to feel peaceful with myself. I started frequenting this place with some books or news paper. It was an urge for me that I could calm down only in this way. I stopped to stare at her and preferred reading some books or chatting with some friends while drinking my macchiato and sometimes tasting some pastries.

Strangely, we never get in touch not even once for a command, it was like destiny wanted that I - personally by my own - take the first step to her.

And that's where I am now. I sigh lightly as I walk to the cafe, slightly anxious but determined to get rid of this problem. "You can do it" are the last words that my inner voice said before I open the door, ready for the following...