last moments of a mad astronaut

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are you ready for it?
are you tightening your bootstraps?
buckling your helmet?
taking a deep breath?

captain,
we're landing now.

captain,
are you ready?

who am i kidding-
your ears don't pop when we break
the atmosphere
as though they've been preparing themselves
and your eyes roll back in your head
like pool balls
as we kiss the painted pavement of
california
our loved ones rush out to meet us
and even though your heart jumps
to see your family just outside
yards away, the far away distance
closed at last
you can't make yourself get up
from your seat.

captain,
is everything all right?

helmet on.
boots buckled.
enough breath stored in your lungs
to last you a lifetime and a half.

. . . captain?

engines on.
airlocks closed.
enough life pent up in your tired eyes
to last you a lifetime on the
dusty whiteness
up there.
alone.

last words scribbled
on a scrap of paper
for your parents and wife,
years later given
to the son
you'll never meet
with a fire in his blood
resembling yours:

it's time
i go back
home.

it's timei go backhome

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